#am i petty for hoping my ex gets into a new relationship and notice they don't give as much as i did

[aitadinnerwex]

Your story doesn't add up, there are too many logical inconsistencies. Just gonna copy+paste a great comment from BORU:

"Starting with the very beginning… So they broke up but lived together and coparented without dating anyone else for YEARS? But she was okay with him dating as long as she got to meet the lady first? Ummmm… Possible, but not realistic. Except then why would he take their daughter clothes shopping without OP while she is just chilling at home? Then turn around before they even get to the store because GF summoned him…? He’s managed to secretly date for 6 months then randomly ditches his crying daughter back off to expose him. Could happen, but again it is odd. He calls to smooth it over and OP is all, “I was hoping we could FINALLY coparent in peace.” Um, finally? Because as of 2 days ago y’all were living together in a separated-while-together bliss. Suddenly the new GF moves in with the in-laws. OP assumes she can just show up like it’s fine without speaking to any of the adults. But she wouldn’t want to put the kid in the middle, oh no! The in-laws back away and she has a “sneaky suspicion” it is because of the new GF. As we used to say, no shit Sherlock. Can we also take a moment to acknowledge that OP has a very unique situation where she doesn’t have any financial concerns with Ex moving out. Also has more free time than FIL to take MIL to medical appointments etc. Naturally new GF also has such free time. “There is no custody agreement.” I am mentioning that even though it never occurred to me to get one until the later comments bring it up. Remember, I don’t think kids should be put in the middle. That’s why my child decides who to stay with at her whim. Panic attack over a jury notice… What? Daughter is a daddy’s girl that mostly chose to stay with her dad. Even after K moved in. (Which seemed to have happened immediately.) But they should make official the status quo that daughter mostly stays with OP and only visits dad. Which is it!?! That’s before we get into the cartoonish caper. Through I appreciated that OP explained to us what a safe is used for and how it works."

Yeeaahh, I saw this ended up on Reddit. Yay for me, truly.

You know what? Screw it, let's be petty and respond to strangers speculating about my life point by point.

"Starting with the very beginning… So they broke up but lived together and coparented without dating anyone else for YEARS?

When did I say we never dated anyone else for years? I went on a few dates and so did my ex, but that wasn't relevant to the post so I didn't see the need to recount his or my dating history. I'm not really interested in getting into another serious relationship at this point in my life and thought it was the same for my ex. To be fair, that was an assumption on my part because when we were living together we mostly just talked about chores and bills and our daughter, we didn't discuss life plans or our love lives anything. It would just occasionally come up that he had been on dates with various women and if it did I would say something like "Cool. How did it go?" to be cordial, and he would usually respond with "Fine". Before K I never saw any signs that he was getting serious about anyone, and I never asked for details.

But she was okay with him dating as long as she got to meet the lady first? Ummmm… Possible, but not realistic.

When did I say I had to meet every girl he dated? I have no idea how many women he dated in between 2020 and 2023. I DID assume if he ever got serious about someone he would tell me about her before making her a fixture in our child's life, though. And yes, that much was on me. I really did just assume we could have a casual roommate relationship where we didn't really talk about personal stuff, but also be coparents who discuss anything that might affect our child at the same time. I agree that's pretty contradictory looking back.

Except then why would he take their daughter clothes shopping without OP while she is just chilling at home? Then turn around before they even get to the store because GF summoned him…? He’s managed to secretly date for 6 months then randomly ditches his crying daughter back off to expose him. Could happen, but again it is odd.

The "why would he take his daughter clothes shopping while OP is at home" bit is odd to me. Why did a father take his daughter to buy things she needed? Do I need to be there for her to get clothes? Is this a "all dads are incompetent parents" thing? Because before all this happened I would have said he was a pretty good dad.

As for that specific incident: My daughter wasn't crying in her dad's car, she was actually mad at him. I was working on my laptop and I heard a car door slam from inside and our dog started barking like someone was there. A second later the front door slammed, which surprised me because I thought they'd be gone for another hour at least, so I went to see what was going on. I saw my daughter stomping to her room looking like she was about to cry from frustration. I asked her what was wrong and that's when she started crying. I agree my original wording made it sound like she was sadly crying her eyes out in the car, when I should have clarified she's an angry crier, as that changes the context.

I can't say with 100% certainty why K called and wanted my ex to come over right away, and why my daughter couldn't be there for that when she had met K before. But considering she was living with her son at the time and they also took drugs together? I'm assuming her son was out of the apartment and she wanted my ex over to do adult things or drug related things, but I have no way of confirming that.

He calls to smooth it over and OP is all, “I was hoping we could FINALLY coparent in peace.” Um, finally? Because as of 2 days ago y’all were living together in a separated-while-together bliss.

You know how they say "ignorance is bliss"? I THOUGHT we were coparenting peacefully, only to find out my ex had been, for reasons unknown to me, coercing my child into lying to me to cover up his relationship for god knows how long. I did not know how long or for what reason at the time and didn't want to stress out my daughter by pressing for more details when she was already upset over her dad moving out. So yes, those few days I was thinking a lot about how long things must have been going on for, and how a situation I thought was peaceful was anything but just under the surface.

Suddenly the new GF moves in with the in-laws.

I agree it was pretty sudden. It happened about 2 and a half months after my ex moved out, so they had only been dating for 8 months or so. I did not know why at the time and it wasn't my business to ask. I now know she had been kicked out of her son's house for her drug use and had nowhere else to go.

OP assumes she can just show up like it’s fine without speaking to any of the adults.

I did assume that, yes. FIL and MIL have always had an open door policy for family, and at the time I thought I was still being included in family. It was not uncommon for me, or my ex, or my daughter, to come over unannounced. I mentioned that in the post, but only in passing, so maybe I should have expanded upon that more: I showed up without telling FIL and MIL I was coming all the time. They were always happy to receive me, or at least give me a "sorry, not a good time, can you come back tomorrow?"

But she wouldn’t want to put the kid in the middle, oh no!

K and my ex were mad at me for coming over and were being pretty toxic about it. My daughter invited me over. If I told them that, they could have directed that toxic anger towards her. I would rather them be angry at me than her, when just by me ASKING if she had asked if it was ok that I come over, I had made her realize that wasn't a smart move. She felt bad for doing it. The lesson had been learned. I didn't need them blowing up at her like my ex was at me, so yes I didn't throw her under the bus to save my own skin in that situation. Should I not have done that? Maybe, but I honestly can't say I regret doing it.

The in-laws back away and she has a “sneaky suspicion” it is because of the new GF. As we used to say, no shit Sherlock.

I agree, hindsight is 20/20, and I should have known a new variable (K) might have meant the status quo of me coming and going from FIL and MIL's house as I please had changed. I had genuinely not considered she might have a problem being around me, and that's the whole reason I was concerned I might be TA. That is, as we used to say, my b.

Can we also take a moment to acknowledge that OP has a very unique situation where she doesn’t have any financial concerns with Ex moving out. Also has more free time than FIL to take MIL to medical appointments etc. Naturally new GF also has such free time.

This is really presumptuous apropos of nothing. Just because I did not discuss my financial situation in the post (because it was not relevant) doesn't mean my ex moving out didn't put a financial strain on me. It did. I DID have more time to help FIL and MIL out when my ex lived with me, because having 2 incomes and splitting household costs meant I could work less hours. The flexible hours coupled with the fact I've worked remotely for a few years now meant I could be the one to stay with MIL in the hospital. I would sleep in her hospital room and stay with her all day (often times glued to my laptop, but still there physically at least), then go home to shower, change, and make dinner for myself, my daughter, my ex, and FIL. Drive the food over to FIL and visit with him for an hour or 2, then drive back to the hospital and stay the night with MIL.

When she got out of the hospital I switched to only going over 2 or 3 times a week, usually to be the one to accompany her to doctor's appointments or physical therapy or grocery shopping or to clean. But they would also invite me over just to do fun things sometimes, like go karting or fishing or out to dinner.

After my ex moved out I picked up another job, and right now I'm on call at one or the other job 6 days a week. K didn't have a job, but (according to MIL) got disablity checks every month. I didn't ask what kind of disability she had, because it's none of my business and not relevant to anything concerning me.

“There is no custody agreement.” I am mentioning that even though it never occurred to me to get one until the later comments bring it up.

It didn't occur to me to get one not because I wasn't aware custody agreements exist, but because I genuinely didn't think about the fact that my ex might try to take my child from me. Call me naive, I know I was, but it just never occurred to me as a possibility before all this started to happen. He had given me no reason to think he might do something like that. To me "custody agreement" meant piece of paper setting up a schedule for where the child goes and when, and that's what I meant by "there is no custody agreement" in the first instance. I knew they existed, it just didn't occur to me I needed one, and that was my bad. I've said so.

Remember, I don’t think kids should be put in the middle. That’s why my child decides who to stay with at her whim.

This is an odd sentiment to me as well. Yes? I don't think a child should be put in the middle as a "Well don't look at me, look at her! She did it!" when their parents are arguing over something. But they should also get a say in who they would like to live with? Plus my daughter isn't a toddler. If that were the case I would absolutely want to a court order to split time with her as equally as possible, but she's almost a teenager now. She's her own person and should get some say in where she goes and when.

Panic attack over a jury notice… What?

Sometimes people have irrational fears, and my ex was irrationally anxious about going to court for any reason. Yes he's been to jail before, no he didn't have a traumatic event happen in a court room that I'm aware of. He just felt like being there made him extremely anxious and didn't want to go back for any reason. Idk what to tell you beyond I'm not gonna dive further into the father of my child's personal anxieties to justify a post for the internet.

Daughter is a daddy’s girl that mostly chose to stay with her dad. Even after K moved in. (Which seemed to have happened immediately.) But they should make official the status quo that daughter mostly stays with OP and only visits dad. Which is it!?!

She WAS a daddy's girl that loved her dad and was slowly starting to warm up to K, until all this stuff happened, and then she was mad at her dad and K and didn't want to talk to them until they apologized to her. Idk how that is hard to follow.

And while she mostly chose to stay at MIL and FIL's house back then, it was not her primary residence. All official school and medical documents listed her address as MY house. She doesn't have her own room at MIL and FIL's house, she sleeps on the couch, she brings clothes in her backpack, etc. My house was her primary residence where she DID have a bed, her own room, a closet full of clothes, etc. Most days she would get off the bus from school at our house, hang out with me for a while, then grab some clothes and ask me to drop her off at FIL and MIL's house. Or ask her dad to come get her. Sometimes the answer was no, but for the most part neither of us had a problem letting her come and go as she pleased, and she was also content to be like that.

That’s before we get into the cartoonish caper. Through I appreciated that OP explained to us what a safe is used for and how it works."

I agree the original description was cartoonish, as I was reporting what a 12 year old had told me about an incident she did not see and had only heard about. Children lie, children exaggerate, children misremember. I wouldn't have mentioned the money being stolen at all had I not been able to confirm it by seeing my MIL complain about it on Facebook. I said as much myself back in December.

And I felt the need to explain the safe required both a key AND combination because not every safe does? Some only need one or the other.

[cafedanslanuit]

danitse really said “porque voy a ser la vil culpable de que ya nada te parezca normal” and it’s my favourite petty ex song to this day

[beomglocks]

black butterflies and deja vu

summary: you come around, i come undone

pairing: guardian demon!hyuka x reader

warnings & other: angst & fluff, kind of requested but not really, not exactly enemies to lovers but something along those lines, maybe hyuka secret feelings, reader hates kai kind of, in the air relationship, platonic to sort of not but no one says anything, allusions to kai having possessive behavior, slight mention of a breakup & depression, not proofread bc im lazy

w/c: 767

i can't do this anymore. you stare at yourself in the mirror with a blank face. what are you even doing right now? you could simply just forget about him, forget about the years of happiness you had with your now ex boyfriend beomgyu. it would just be as simple as putting on a smile and pretending like it still didn't hurt.

you continue to stare blankly at yourself, slowly making your features bleed into each other until you see a faint cloud of black smoke behind you. you don't move or flinch but your eyes flit in its direction.  for a split second, you think you created the image with your mind but you realize soon that the cloud of smoke is very real.

you see his dark hair before you see him entirely and sigh. "what are you doing here?" you ask monotonously. you hoped there would be some spite in your tone but it didn't come out, unfortunately.

the boy finishes forming the rest of his body and stands directly behind you. any other day, you would be terrified of him just appearing behind you and towering over your shorter frame but today you didn't care.

"you're my favorite human," he smiles softly. you see him look down at the top of your head then directly at you through the mirror. his eyes were pitch black and there was no glimmer or shine in this pupils. it made you shiver and he could tell.

"im busy," you spit. he chuckles, patting your shoulders with both hands, "busy sulking?"

"why couldn't i have a guardian angel? why did i have to have a guardian demon? my life would be way better and so much more bearable," you mumble with your head down. you won't admit it out loud but you're afraid of what you'll see when you look up.

hueningkai never liked when you talked down on him. he wasn't mean at all actually, he was fairly nice; to you at least. if you didn't know any better you'd mistake him for an angel but the dark clothes and despair he carried told you otherwise.

you slowly bring your head up when the silence gets too much and hueningkai is staring at you with an unreadable expression but he smiles. "that hurts a little," he holds a hand where his heart would be if he had one.

"who hurt you?" he asks. it doesn't sound like a question on his end but he seems genuinely interested. "beomgyu," you answer without thinking. he knows who that is.

"it's...it's not a big deal though," you look at him through the mirror but he seems to be lost in thought. he hums to himself. "im sorry," he squeezes your shoulders in reassurance and momentarily hesitates with his next actions.

you don't notice the hesitation when he leans down, keeping his chin on your shoulder and arms hanging loosely around your body, caging you in and your back close to his chest.

"this is what humans do when they're sad right?" he asks. a back hug is a little bit intimate but- "thank you," you whisper quietly.

he hums again. he lingers on you for longer than you expect for someone who can't feel emotions. "im a demon so it's in my nature to like to see you suffer..." he trails off. "i like seeing you suffer but only over petty things like losing your phone because i hid it or something, not a breakup," he frowns.

"what are you talking about kai," you sigh, mindlessly playing with his fingers. you can't get the thoughts out of your mind that this moment feels very weird and oddly deep seated but the cold that he's radiating from his body is working at numbing your emotions.

"i guess...i like being the only one who can make you suffer," he says. you drop your hands and stare at him through the mirror. "it feels like i was made to make you suffer but protect you from others who try to make you sad...it feels like you really are mine," he mumbles.

before you have the chance to try to question him on what the hell he's talking about, he stands up straight. "i need to pay someone a visit." you furrow your eyebrows at that. "kai..." you warn. you shouldn't have said anything.

"don't worry i won't do anything permanent." he winks before he leaves in the same cloud of black.

once again you're left alone but with new lingering thoughts in your mind. what am i going to do with this demon.

[bl--ankhaeji]

Five Months(yuta)

Pairing ~ Yuta x Reader

Genre ~ A little bit of angst, fluff, humor if you can find it and bittersweet

Warning ~ uhh I don’t really have any 

A/N ~ so for this i felt like my writing changed a little. like so far I haven’t written anything with this type of atmosphere or theme so it was something new and I really enjoyed writing this. I also want to say thank you to my beta readers Xiami and Mylin. 

W. Count ~ 2.4k

Hii, before we get into the story. Wanted to let you guys know that this is my fic for the Secret Santa collab that @neoculturechristmas held. @neonun-au I am your secret santa 😊 or 🎅🏽anon. I am sorry I didn’t talk to you that much in your asks, but when we did I really enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy.  

On to the story

You and Yuta have been broken up for around five months now. Over what, you truly don’t even remember. Some petty argument got out of hand and it caused you guys to break up with each other in the heat of anger. Usually when things like that happen the couple gets back together within a week and everything is fine, but sad to say that’s not what happened with you and Yuta. 

You both were entirely too stubborn for your own good, and with both of you refusing to even so much as speak to the other you managed to stay broken up for five months. And that’s what led you to where you are right now. Stranded on a snowy mountain trail with said ex. 

The sound of snow crunching underneath your boots was deafening,but even this noise couldn't drown out the sound of your thoughts. You ask yourself, how did what was supposed to be a quick stroll on a beautiful snowy trail to clear your mind end up becoming a meet up with your ex?

Oh, maybe it’s because life is a bitch that loves to fuck with you. What are the odds that you and your friends plan a Christmas trip to the same resort as Yuta and his friends? And what are the odds that your cabins are right next to each other? And what are the fucking odds that you both picked the exact same time to step out for a walk on the same trail, and you both manage to get lost? 

“Yuta, I really don’t think you know where the hell you’re going.” You say halting your steps, the icy tone in your words almost rivaling the cold outside. You both have been lost and aimlessly walking around for the past 20 minutes and the temperature continued to drop as it was getting later and later into the night. Yuta swore he knew the way back, but you were cold and tired and seriously doubting this ability. 

When you first realized you were lost, you tried to retrace your steps only to find out the consistently falling snow had already covered them, making it look as if no one had even been there. At first you thought, maybe this was a sign, an opportunity for you and Yuta to rekindle your relationship, but you quickly realized how wrong you were. 

Yuta’s hand reached up to his head, “Just, give me a minute okay. I know how to get back, we're almost there.” He said as he continued to pace forward. 

“Yuta, stop! Just fucking stop and admit that you don’t know where the fuck we are or where we are going! This is just like you, I see you haven’t changed in these last five months.” You scoff looking away as you wrap your arms around your waist, trying to generate some warmth.

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean, huh?!” A fiery Yuta inquires, turning around to face you. 

“It means that even with our breakup, you still can’t admit when you’re wrong and don’t know something. You keep pushing at it, not listening, feeling like you have to know it all on your own.” The words fell out of your mouth unforgivingly, packing a punch in every single syllable. Finishing your statement, you roll your eyes, shifting your weight to your right side. 

“Wow, isn’t that fucking rich coming from you. I’m not the one who bottles everything up and whenever they feel is convenient enough decides to blow up on her boyfriend for no reason. Just like the one that broke us up, this argument was started by you. So don’t act like I’m the only problem.” Just like Yuta said, you may have started the argument but he seemed intent on finishing it. 

The cold was suddenly unbearable, and all you wanted right now was to just go to sleep in a warm bed. No words were spoken after that, and like that you and Yuta just pushed past it, continuing to walk forward and ignoring the venomous words you both spoke in hopes of forgetting this event. This really was no different than five months ago. 

The want to cry your heart out was almost all consuming, but you didn’t let a single tear fall. In hopes of not appearing weak and also because you believed with your whole heart that if you were to cry right, now the tears would turn to ice on your face instantly from the cold. So you kept your head down, trying to not think about where you actually were. 

You were completely zoned out until you heard, “Y/n, we’ve made it.” Raising your head, you see a wooden cabin in the distance. Finally, you thought, it was starting to get dark. You instantly start sprinting to the cabin. “Wait up.” Yuta said as he started to run behind you. The sounds of crushed snow and huffed breaths filled your ears. 

Upon getting closer to the cabin you realize something is off. Looking through the uncovered window on the door, you realize that this wasn’t the cabin that either of you currently occupied. You could tell not only from the emptiness in the house but also from the lack of lights and the quiet that rang through the air. “Yuta, I don’t know where we are but this isn’t either one of our cabins.” You tell him through bated breaths, your teeth slightly chattering, looking as he slows down until he stops in front of you, also out of breath. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” He asks as he tries the doorknob only to see that it’s locked.

“I mean that this isn’t where we’re staying. It’s just a random cabin in the woods.” Yuta swears loudly at the revelation. You both are stranded at some random cabin at night while it’s snowing and almost below freezing outside. “What the fuck are we gonna do? We could barely manage to find our way here. There's no way we’ll be able to navigate in the dark and find our way back.” 

“We have no choice, we have to break in. Our clothes and shoes are almost soaked through from the melted snow and I can practically hear your teeth chattering. Also, I’m hungry.” At the mention of food your stomach chooses now to rumble loudly almost as if agreeing with Yuta’s statement. 

A small chuckle leaves Yuta’s lips, “Don’t worry, I won’t let you go hungry.” He proceeds to take off the flannel he has underneath his snow jacket and wraps it around his hand making a fist. He lifts his fist getting ready to punch the glass before you stop him, your hands coming around fist. 

“Woah! Stop right there, we can’t just go vandalizing this random cabin hell we’re already breaking and entering. Just step aside, I got this.” You tell the man as you push him aside. You slightly tilt over, surveying the type of lock on the door and inwardly rejoice at the fact that there’s no bolt lock and it’s just a regular handle lock which seems to be quite loose. 

Good thing you brought your wallet in case you went to the convenience store. Taking out an old card, you proceed with breaking into the cabin. Sliding it in between the door handle and the frame, a smile takes over your face when you feel the door give and start to open. 

Standing straight, you look towards Yuta while inwardly praying the owners don’t have a silent alarm for the cabin. “Woah, that was kinda hot. When did you learn to do that?” He questions, leaning against the wall of the cabin watching you with predatory eyes. 

Something stirs in your stomach at the look on his face. Deciding to ignore it, you just say, “A lady never tells.” and waltz into the cabin with a wink. You hear a low whistle flow from his mouth as he follows you into the currently uninhabited cabin.    

You look around the room searching for a heater, preferably gas when the room suddenly gets flooded by light. “We have electricity, so that’s good.” Yuta says before he makes his way to the kitchen, “Now let's look for some food.” You hear a couple cabinets open and close before Yuta finds some canned food. Luckily, there’s three cans of beef soup that you guys can heat up and eat. 

Yuta gets the food going and you continue your search for a heater, finding it near the back of the room. You quickly turn it on in order to warm yourself up, while proceeding to take off your wet jacket and boots. It was a good thing the wood floor was covered with a rug. Yuta calls your name, telling you the food was ready, and you walk to the kitchen reluctantly, leaving behind the warm rug underneath your feet. 

You take the first sip of your soup, the warmth it radiates heating you up internally as it travels down your throat, and part of you feels relieved. The prospect of freezing to death wasn’t knocking at your door anymore and you had food in your system, but you and Yuta eat your soup in silence. Though the room was draped in a comfortable warmth and you guys weren’t yelling at each other you still couldn’t help but feel like something between you two just wasn’t right. 

After washing the dishes, you make your way back to the main room, tuning in on the softness of your sock clad feet padding against the wood floor. You spot Yuta standing near the heater and you notice that he had draped your wet jackets above the heater, possibly so they would be dry by the time you guys left in the morning. 

Lowering yourself to the rug, you sit down criss cross, busying yourself by braiding the tassels on the sides of the rug. You hear Yuta clear his throat as he sits across from you on the spacious rug. “Do you want to play a game?” He asks you looking up from his hands to gouge your reaction. 

“Sure.” you reply, waiting for him to tell you the game. He replies, telling you he wants to play          questions, and you prepare yourself for the possible shit show that might ensue. 

“I’ll go first. Are you still cold?” His simple question takes you by surprise. That’s not even close to what you expected for him to ask.

“Yea, just a little though.” You reply honestly shrugging your shoulders, “My turn.” What did you want to ask? you thought to yourself. You didn’t want to lower the atmosphere with a question about your relationship just yet, so you also decided to play it safe. “Are you still hungry?” 

“You know I am.” He quips a little smile playing at his lips. “Next question. Since you’re still cold, can I cuddle you right now?” Your eyes grow larger at his question and you can’t deny that the thought of it made your heart race a little. A slow nod is all the answer Yuta needs before he is scooting over behind you wrapping his arms around your torso. 

You never got to tell Yuta how good this hairstyle was on him. The bleached hair with lilac highlights fit him so well, and that’s all you could think as his head finds a home on the side of your neck and his semi long hair tickles the side of your face. You’re so focused on the sensation of his body against yours filtering his warmth to you that you don’t notice that it is now your turn for a question. 

“Y/n, it’s been your turn for a while.” Yuta speaks as his warm breath dances on your skin.

“Why have you not tried to mend things with me?” You don’t know if it’s just your curiosity or if it’s your brain trying to ruin the moment so you don’t get hurt but you decide it’s time to bring up your relationship.

“Well you can’t say you’ve tried all that hard either. It goes both ways y/n-” 

“Actually,” You interrupt him, “I did try, once. It was three months into our breakup and I was tired of missing you and missing us and I wanted it all to be over and to just put this behind us. So I went over to your house to mend things and I saw some girl leaving, and before you say I jumped to conclusions, I saw her kiss you.” Averting your eyes to your sweaty palms, you watch yourself rub them against your knees. You can feel the telltale sting in your eyes signifying future tears.

“That- Y/n no it’s really not what you think.” You feel Yuta’s arms wrap tighter around you. “That girl was a project partner and she came over so we could work on it, but she had heard that me and you broke up so she thought it was okay to try and shoot her shot by kissing me. I didn’t kiss back, nor did I enjoy it. I even ended up doing the rest of the project on my own.” 

You turn to look at Yuta to see if he’s telling the truth and you see no hints of falsity. Instantly you feel stupid, and you go to look back at the floor until Yuta grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him.  

“My turn. If I were to tell you that I was willing to change for us right now would you believe me?” His eyes burn intensely as he waits for your reply.

“If I were to tell you that you don’t have to change for us would you believe me?” Was your reply and you could see the hope forming in his irises

“If I were to tell you I still love you-” His words fall off as your lips meet his and they become occupied with something else. 

Five months. It had been five months since you heard his voice. It had been five months since you felt him against you. Five months since you tasted his lips. Five months since he had last declared his love. 

If you could go back in time and make it to where you never had to suffer that drought without him, you would. But for now you just wanted to enjoy the time you would get from today forward.   

[ethanramseyyy]

OPEN HEART: THIRD YEAR CHAPTER 1 thoughts and opinions

Wow. Wow. Wow. What a start to the new book. I am so excited with the start of the third book. One because I missed my husband and two because Open Heart is just my favourite thing ever. One thing though @playchoices where’s our baby Naveen?

Obviously the chapter opened up with explaining the changes to the hospital which by the way are INSANE. As much as I love the new and mordenised look, a part of me does miss the classic Edenbrook Hospital we have seen in the past 2 books. I really hope we get a fourth book and I know that the third book has only just started but when Elijah was talking about what was going to happen after their last year of residency, it really made me want to experience the rest of MCs career and obviously the more time we have with Ethan (Or whoever you are romancing) the better. I also like how ALL of the LIs were incorporated into this chapter and it wasn’t entirely Ethan based, because I know that annoyed a lot of people during book 2. RAF. I am so unbelievably happy that they kept Raf in the book, I mean they kind of had to but that’s besides the point. I am so happy for the Raf stans. YOU GOT YOUR MANS BACK.

I picked Ethan to tell me more info because I need to spend as much time with him as possible since I have to wait an entire week to see him again. BITCH when he took our hand I nearly choked. It is so so so strange to see him actually make a public display of affection considering what we went through in the past 2 books to even get him to admit he was in love with us. And our friends reactions. I adore the fact that they are so happy for MC and Ethan. I don’t think I will be the only person to say this butttt.... Leland DEFINITELY has a hidden meaning for taking on Edenbrook. There is something dodgy about him and I am glad that Ethan has also noticed it. I have a feeling Leland Blooms storyline about the takeover of Edenbrook is far from being over.

When I saw the nurses desk it was so bitter sweet. For a second I expected Danny to pop up from behind his desk and say Hey. He did not deserve to die and I will NEVER be over it. But anyway I obviously had to play every single diamond scene given to us for the opening chapter and so I accepted the chance to spend some time with our friends and take a tour of the new and improved facilities. I have to admit the new hospital sounds amazing. Almost too good to be true if I am being honest. I LOVED the little playful scene between MC and Elijah. We can all appreciate the fact that Elijah needs to be protected at all costs. And then it got a bit awkward for me because we had to choose who to have a massage with and obviously I am romancing Ethan and he wasn’t an option so I picked Bryce because why the hell not. I obviously didn’t pick any romantic options with him but I do love Bryce just not like my main man Ethan. I appreciate that the other LIs aren’t being as sidelined as they were in the previous book. Even though I am romancing the main LI of the book, it still angered me that so many people missed out on any interaction with their chosen LI in book 2.

My poor baby Baz. When it showed how sad he was, I was ready to fight anyone who had made him feel that way. And then he dropped the bombshell at the end of the chapter that he was leaving PERMANENTLY. I WILL NEED 2-3 WORKING DAYS TO PROCESS THIS INFORMATION. If he actually leaves I will be heartbroken. I love his character but I am very interested to find out why he is leaving which I presume we will find out in the next chapter. DR HARPER EMERY IS DEAD MEAT IF SHE THINKS SHES GETTING ETHAN. Is it just me or was she flirting with our man the ENTIRE time. Little does she know we spent some quality time together in a certain on call room 😏. I swear if she try’s anything with him, I will not hold back. It’s such a strange route for PB to go down with trying to make MC jealous over Ethan and Harper. To be honest I’ve always loved Harper but she WILL NOT have Ethan. Leland taking away Ethan’s leadership privileges was not okay. I enjoy dating my boss husband thank you very much. I think it makes MC and Ethan’s relationship that much more scandalous if you ask me. I did enjoy the bit were everyone agreed with Ethan despite Leland clearly trying to undermine his power. Never going to happen Leland. Get over it.

Then came the diamond scene where MC, Jackie and Sienna went shopping for the cocktail mixer. I did like the fact that we got a small scene of us actually going shopping for the outfit rather than having to pay diamonds just for the outfits. As I said before I did every diamond option possible considering the fact it is the opening chapter and to be honest I would have done it regardless because MC looked BOMB in that dress.

What made purchasing the dress even better was the fact that all eyes were on MC when she walked into the party. I chose to talk to Elijah because I just love him and I couldn’t say no to him. This meant that I got to see Zaid. Now I am not sure if everyone got to see Zaid or it was different depending on who you chose to speak to but I loved seeing him. I feel like we saw Zaid all the time in the first book and then he kinda just disappeared during the course of the second book so I am glad he made an appearance.

ETHAN GOD DAMN RAMSEY. Did you guys see that suit?!?! I almost choked to death he looked that good. And then that little cut scene!!! I think my family thought I was being murdered I screamed that loud.

OBSESSED.

And then we got the option for a ‘private, passionate end to the evening’ and lord knows I said yes. I know I keep saying this but I love that all 4 LIs were an option. The fact that scene was ONLY 18 diamonds. Bargain if you ask me. If any of you have watched Greys Anatomy it really reminded me of when Meredith and Derek had THAT scene at the prom. If you have watched it you know what I am talking about. Anyway, every single bit of that scene was perfect. When it gave us the option of him taking charge or MC, I was like BITCH we are in for a real fucking treat today.

After the absolute dream end to the evening spent with out man, we found out what was wrong with our patient because hello MC is the best damn doctor at Edenbrook. And you all know I picked the option that said ‘I am surprised that Emery didn’t figure it out’. Yes I know I am petty but Ethan and her are getting on TOO well considering they are exes so I have to claim what’s mine. Then Dr. Baz Mirani thought it was okay to announce that he was leaving the diagnostics team permanently. That better not mean he is leaving Edenbrook because I will put a stop to that straight away. Also, I need to know why because Baz is genuinely one of my faves and I really don’t want him to go.

I would LOVE to hear what everyone’s thoughts were on this chapter. Did you like it? Why do you think Baz is leaving? Do you think Leland has good intentions?

[viastro]

the time for us | kwon soonyoung

ミ★ synopsis: in which you and soonyoung broke up six months ago and you run into each other at the club. [requested by @shoshishua​]

ミ★ genre: primarily angst, fluff at the end

ミ★ warnings: very very brief mention of blood

ミ★ word count: 2,452

ミ★ pairings: hoshi x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi! another oneshot hehe. my baby requested this one! we basically had this whole deal where we choose two sentences and a person for the other to write about. the two sentences i got were, “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” as well as, “what happens if I do this?” so i hope you guys like this one!

There’s only been one guy in your life who you’ve loved. You may have been young, sixteen at the time, but it felt like you and Soonyoung could take over the world. You were both hardworking, always sneaking around the dance studio at late hours to practice. As well as being ambitious, proven by the fact that whenever the opportunity for a solo arose you and Soonyoung would compete against each other for it. 

It was when you both graduated high school that things started to fall apart. You were naive, thinking that since you two were together for three years you guys were practically married. Your relationship only took the turn for the worst once you and Soonyoung realized you both had incredibly different career paths. You wanted to become a nurse while he wanted to pursue dancing. You both completely supported each other, Soonyoung being ecstatic when your application for residency was approved, and you being excited when Soonyoung got into the talent agency. 

However, your schedules no longer lined up as you both became busier by the minute. Your late night calls became the new system for your guys communication, but that began to dwindle as well. Suddenly the excuse, “I’m tired, I had a long day.” began to be thrown around endlessly. Which may have been true, but it led the feelings of bitterness and anger to start to rise between you two due to the lack of communication. Or should you say, the lack of effort that was being put into the relationship.

The breakup was the worst thing either of you had to go through in your twenty years of living. That may sound like it’s an exaggeration, but it’s not. It ended with tears, a slam of a door, and Soonyoung throwing a plate across the room. Your relationship wasn’t the only thing that shattered that night, for the plate broke into what looked like thousands of pieces. It was a pain in the ass for Soonyoung to clean, so he didn’t. He left the shards of glass there for months, as some kind of way to punish himself for the things he said that night, for letting you go. 

He only cleaned it on the fourth month after the breakup because Chan came over and scolded him, telling him how dangerous it is. Chan basically held an intervention on Soonyoung’s behavior, and took him out to the club to try and get him to feel something again. 

Little did Chan know that it would simply make things worse.

Soonyoung started going to clubs almost every weekend to just bring home different girls in an attempt to get over you. It really doesn’t work though because the whole time he’s kissing a random girl his mind is just running off of you, you, you. 

He imagines that it’s you he’s kissing, that you’re the one he’s holding, that you’re the one laying with him after everything is said and done. He’s been doing this routine for six months now, and no one can stop him.

Honestly, you aren’t doing that much better either! You’re both god damn messes after the break up. You refused to leave your room the whole weekend after things ended horribly between you and Soonyoung. You’d only get up to go to work, then come back to your apartment and wallow in your own self pity. 

You only started going out a few months after the breakup because Seungkwan thought you needed to find somebody new. He had the same thinking as Chan when it came to this, and that’s why you’re here in this position now.

Dressed in a silk lavender dress and a pair of flats because god knows you can’t wear heels. You haven’t looked this put together in months, but you’re slowly falling apart on the inside once you take notice of who’s sitting at the bar talking to a really pretty girl. 

Yes, you guessed it, it’s Kwon Soonyoung. The guy who broke your heart six months ago, as well as you breaking his. You feel your heart pound against your chest as you look at him from the booth you and Seungkwan are seated at. His hair is no longer red like you remember, now dyed a dark black that emphasizes the sharpness of his jawline. He’s wearing a see-through shirt with a black fitted blazer over it, along with tight black jeans. 

“He looks great.” You mumble to yourself as you take a small gulp of the soju Seungkwan ordered for you. Soonyoung smiles at the girl when she rests her hand softly on his shoulder, and you find a bitter taste in your mouth.

“You know yn, the whole reason we came here was for you to get over [redacted], not eye fuck him.” You turn your head to glare at your friend, who’s giving you a knowing smile. 

“You knew he was gonna be here?” You ask and Seungkwan shrugs, leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed. 

“Yeah.”

“And you thought bringing me here was a good idea… why?” 

“I live off of chaos.” You roll your eyes at his answer, turning away to look around the club. The dj is playing an Usher song, which is giving you major nostalgia. Specifically, it brings back the memory of you and Soonyoung fighting for who gets center when you were seventeen. Letting out a small sigh at the thought, your eyes find their way back to your ex-boyfriend, and your heart practically leaps out of your chest once your eyes connect with his.

Soonyoung is no longer paying any interest to the girl in front of him once his eyes land on you. His heart pounds violently against his chest once he realizes it’s been six months since he last saw you. He watches as you look around the room for a moment, only to lock your eyes with his. Your eyes immediately widen for a second, only to go back to normal.

she’s so cute, Soonyoung thinks to himself. He raises an eyebrow at you once he realizes this has now turned into a mini staring contest. You finally blink, choosing to look back at Seungkwan once you feel your hands begin to shake underneath the table. Soonyoung smirks, already feeling pretty buzzed from the bottle of soju he finished.

“Um, Hoshi, hello?” Soonyoung turns back to the girl he was speaking to, only to give her an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m interested tonight. You’ll find someone better, don’t worry.” Soonyoung tells her sweetly, and she gives him a sad smile. She nods her head before getting up off the chair and heading towards the dance floor. 

Soonyoung turns his head to look back at you only to realize you’re not sitting at the booth anymore. His eyes widen in panic for a moment turning around in his seat to look for you. You let out a small smile as you sit down in the seat the girl was sitting in a moment ago, waiting for Soonyoung to notice you. 

“Where’d she- AH!” You let out a small giggle at his reaction once he finally turns back and notices you sitting beside him. Soonyoung lets out an embarrassed cough, trying to play it cool. 

“It’s been a while.” He mutters, and you glance at him through the corner of your eye, taking notice of the pink tinge on his cheeks. From being tipsy or being embarrassed? Probably both. You take another sip from your soju before answering, “Yeah. It has.” 

“Why did you come here? I thought clubbing wasn’t your thing.” Soonyoung asks you, and you shrug.

“When we were dating it wasn’t, but I’m single now. Decided to try something new.” You respond, and Soonyoung feels a punch to his gut. You almost slap yourself in the face at the stupid, petty comment, but you keep your demeanor cool. Soonyoung downs another shot before standing up from the bar, feeling old anger resurface.

“I’m going to dance, it was nice seeing you.” His tone is as cold as ice, making a shiver run down your spine. You finally turn your head to look at him, and you both feel your breaths get taken away at the close proximity between you two. Soonyoung’s eyes travel from your eyes to your plush lips, and you feel your heart beat wildly in your chest. Soonyoung feels tears prick at the back of his eyes once your scent registers in his mind, triggering the feeling of home. A feeling that’s been lost for months.

“It was nice seeing you too.” You whisper softly, eyes glancing down to his lips, causing Soonyoung to clench his jaw. Before he does anything he’ll regret, he turns around and walks off into the crowded dance floor. You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding, turning in your seat to watch him.

Soonyoung feels your eyes on him as he begins dancing with a random girl, and it reignites the pain he thought was numbed away. You watch as the girl starts grinding back onto Soonyoung, and you feel your heart shatter once again. You weren’t ready to get over him, god you aren’t even over him. Watching the way Soonyoung starts to nibble on her neck is the last straw for you. You take one last sip of your soju before walking back to the booth you shared with Seungkwan. 

“I want to go home.” You demand and Seungkwan nods his head, not needing to ask why. The heartbroken expression on your face tells him everything he needs to know. 

“Yeah, I’ll take you home yn.” 

You fail to notice Soonyoung watching you leave.

“I can’t believe I’m still not over him.” You mutter to yourself as you pace around your apartment, barefoot but still in your dress. It’s been an hour since you left the bar and Seungkwan dropped you off at home, and you spent thirty minutes of that just sitting in the middle of your kitchen eating a slice of bread. 

“I know our breakup was so fucking stupid and I shouldn’t have left, but that was the past. How am I still hung up over the past when it’s been six fucking months.” You feel a sob begin to bubble in your chest as the fond memories flood your brain. 

You hear a knock on your door, causing you to pause your pacing in the living room. You carefully step over, looking through the peephole once you make it to the door. Your breath hitches in your throat once you see who’s on the other side, and you quickly make it to open the door. 

“Soonyoung.” You breathe out. He’s standing there in all his glory, looking a bit less put together than he was at the bar. You feel your blood run cold once you notice a red lipstick mark on his neck. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask softly, feeling vulnerable at the way his eyes rake your figure. 

“Can I come in?” He asks, and you nod your head, moving to the side so that he can step in. He slips off his shoes, and follows you to the kitchen. You open up your fridge, checking inside to see what refreshments you can possibly offer him.

“Do you want a drink? Food? I only have leftovers from this one thai restaurant-”

“I still love you.” You stop mid-reach into grabbing the can of coke, knowing it was his favorite while you two were dating. You close your fridge, and slowly turn around to face him. He has tears pricking at the back of his eyes, and you feel your heart stop when he takes a small step forward.

“Y-you, you what?” 

 “Our fight was stupid, and it was my fault. I wasn’t trying hard enough which is so horrible because you are quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I wish I stopped you from leaving that night because you never came back.” Soonyoung says, and you bite the inside of your cheek. 

“You’re drunk Soonie.” 

“I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.” He takes another step forward, and you look up at him, tears beginning to stream down your face. 

“I’ve regretted letting you go every single day these past six months. I’ve become someone so ugly on the inside. I feel like I’m not living and I’m doing stupid shit just to feel something again.” You bite the inside of your cheek even harder to the point that you taste the copperness of blood.

“I- I go to bars every weekend, I drink until I can’t remember, and I find a new girl to bring home just to make sure you’re not on my mind.” Soonyoung confesses and you look away from him, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand, only for more tears to take its place. He takes another step forward so that your faces are mere inches apart. He presses a finger underneath your chin, making you look back up into his eyes. 

“But it never works.” 

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending they’re you, yn.” A tear falls from his eye, and you reach up to cup his cheek, wiping it away with your thumb. He lets out a small smile, leaning in a bit to test the waters.

“What happens if I do this?” He asks, his lips almost brushing against yours as he speaks.

“I don’t know.” You whisper, your hand dropping to clutch his shirt. Soonyoung reaches up and softly rests a hand on your cheek.

“I’m going to kiss you now, tell me if you want me to stop.” He mumbles, staring into your eyes. Another tear slips past as you nod your head, a small, sad smile gracing your features.

“Please.” 

It’s all Soonyoung needs to hear before he leans in, capturing your lips with his. His lips are slightly chapped, and it tastes salty due to the tears you both shed while also tasting like soju. However, it’s nothing short of perfect. Your hand moves from clutching his shirt to resting on the side of his neck as his arms reach around your waist, pulling you closer and holding you tighter. 

“Is this real? You love me?” Soonyoung asks against your lips, pulling you in again to taste your sweet lips that he’s been missing for months. A small smile escapes you, mumbling between kisses, “Yes, it’s real. I love you so much.” 

After six months of Soonyoung kissing random people imagining that it’s you, for the first time it’s finally you. 

it’s finally you.

[deadlyglacier]

20 Questions tag~

I was tagged by @mythicamagic thank you senpai~<3

How many works do you have on AO3?

40 right now, plus 1 that is still hidden because of the SOFA Exchange event.  (I’m still a lil fish.)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

486,920!  That’s so amazing to me!

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

InuYasha - A Feudal Fairytale (18)

FullMetal Alchemist (18)

Mass Effect Trilogy (3)

Let’s Play (Webtoon) (1)

Kingdom Hearts (1) But I hope to write for many more fandoms in the future!  I have ideas for fics for Castlevania, Skyrim, Fallout 4, Last of Us Part II, and more!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#1.  Stardust FemShep/Garrus, Mass Effect Trilogy, Rated Explicit. A retelling of the Shepard/Vakarian love story, with lots (and LOTS) of sexiness, from Garrus' point of view. Starts from before the Omega-4 and will end sometime after the end of ME3. Trying to stay as true to the game as possible, while adding some things happening off camera and a new ending.

#2.  Flamingo Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome's method of beating the summer heat attracts a certain demon lord...

#3.  Hawk Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome and Sesshomaru discover they have a mutual attraction for each other after a battle and a slight comedic incident brings them together. At first their relationship seems entirely sexual, but eventually evolves into something real. What will this romance mean for Naraku? Or even the future?  *TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHAPTER 6! MAJOR VIOLENCE AND TRAGEDY* Very, very loosely based on "A Mere Digression" by elle6778

#4.  Daisy Sam/Charles, Let’s Play, Rated Mature Sam wakes up somewhere unfamiliar with a splitting headache with no memory of the night before. Takes place right after the S2 finale.  First chapter was my prediction for what would happen next, and then three other “wishful thinking” chapters happened, lol.

#5.  Chemistry Ed/Winry, FullMetal Alchemist, Rated Mature A look at how the relationship between Ed and Winry developed after Brotherhood ended.  Cute, sweet, funny, and hot (eventually—y'all that know me know I gotta have some NSFW in there).

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to respond to everyone, especially when a fic of mine has just been posted, but sometimes I just forget.  If I haven’t responded to your comment, please know it’s just because I’m a big dumb and forgot!  I love getting comments, and I reread them all the time!  I just feel like there’s a time limit to when I can respond to them--if I let too much go by, it’s awkward if I reply.  Gah, but that’s just me getting in my own head, I guess.  I’ll do better!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oof, definitely Psychology, a fic I wrote for RoyEdOTPoly this year.  The prompt I got was dark, and I didn’t see any way around an angsty ending.  Read at your own risk!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Well, aside from the last fic, I try to write happy endings for all my fics!  But, if I have to name names, I’m torn between Zoology (another FullMetal Alchemist fic, RoyEd, for RoyEdOTPoly this year) and Stardust (my Mass Effect fic, which is long, but so worth it, in my opinion).  Both are very fluffy in the end!

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Argh...  I don’t really like crossovers, to be honest.  I actively avoid them when looking for fics to read.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of writing them myself.  (I’m a total hypocrite, I know.)  I had an idea for an Inuyasha x The Sims fic, years ago, that I never did anything with.  The premise was basically Inuyasha and Kagome would get trapped in the game somehow (via the jewel or magic or something), and they’d be controlled by Souta, Kagome’s friends, Hojo--all sorts of different people who think the fact that Kagome and Inuyasha are in the game is just some kind of silly mod.  I probably won’t write it, so if anyone is interested in that crazy idea, have at it!  You have my blessing. <3 I also have a crazy crossover idea for what I call an “Ultimate OT3″ of mine that I’ve mentioned to my friends, but I haven’t actually written down yet:  Sesshomaru/Alucard/Sebastian Michaelis.  So be on the lookout for that!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I wouldn’t call it “hate” so much as “mansplaining,” but I have gotten a couple of comments that made my eyebrow twitch on Stardust--both on AO3 and FFN.  Just dudes (and I’m fairly certain they were dudes, just from their tone) trying to explain why a certain plot twist wouldn’t work, or tell me how to save Sidonis in the actual game (which I already knew, that person just didn’t read what I wrote). I’ve also gotten a comment on one of my more controversial fics, Hippology, on FFN, where the person asked me if I thought my summary was K-Rated (which, admittedly, it does need to be for the site, and mine wasn’t--because of a single word).  I changed it and messaged them saying it was fixed.  Going to that commenter’s profile, however, proved to be fairly enlightening...  They’re nuts.  They have another profile, too.  Read at your own risk.  Yikes. There’s also a team of people on FFN who make it their life’s mission to report stories with rule violations.  I’ve gotten a comment from one of them as well.  These people are not mods, they just like to pretend they are--one of them even made their name look official!  “CU Administration,” gtfo dude. I also recently got one of my fics removed from FFN.  It wasn’t even one of my sexiest ones!  They put me in timeout for 48 hours, and when I was finally able to publish something new on the site again, I posted Hippology (my centaur smut), and it’s still up as I type this.  (Wonder how long it’ll take them to notice?)  And since the fic that got taken down was a SessKag fic, I’m thinking it might have been a petty SessRinner who reported it to the “authorities” of FFN, because another friend of mine got hers taken down not long after mine, and it was also SessKag.  Just my tinfoil theory, anyway!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, yes, yes.  It’s practically all I write.  I do all sorts of smut, from romantic, sensual stuff, to specific kinks, to monsterfucking--all that good stuff.  Can’t change me~<3

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so.  No one has asked me if they can translate one, anyway.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet!  I’m open to the idea, and I’ve had little discussions with my fic-writing buddies about it, but nothing’s come out of it just yet.  Keep your eyes peeled!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh, now come on!  I can’t pick just one!  But I’ll give you a top 3 (in no particular order, because they change places a lot, depending on how obsessed I am with them at the moment). Inuyasha:  Sess/Kag FullMetal Alchemist:  Roy/Ed Mass Effect:  Garrus/FemShep

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a couple of stories that I deleted from my original FFN account that I’d like to re-write and re-post on AO3, but I don’t think I’ll ever get around to it.  There were a couple of Inu/Kag fics I had in-progress, and then a Koug/Kag fic.  I recently rewrote and reposted my SessKag fic from years ago, Hawk, on FFN, AO3, and Dokuga!  So maybe all hope isn’t lost.  I’m even writing a sequel for Hawk! All the stories I have in-progress right now I plan on finishing.  At some point, lol.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, without a doubt.  It’s my favorite thing to write, aside from smut, of course--which is another strength of mine.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, ugh.  I try to do them well, but I always feel like they get stale.  So I keep them somewhat vague, because in my mind, I think readers will fill in the gaps themselves whether you describe something immaculately or not--they’ll see what they want to see, and that is totally fine in my book!  Or maybe I’m just making excuses, lol.  I’ll only describe something in a lot of detail if I want the reader to focus on that--usually an outfit, accessory, or weapon--otherwise, I leave it up to their imagination (I don’t want manipulate it too much, I suppose).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Wildly unnecessary unless that author speaks the language as well, or if certain words already exist in the fandom’s translations (ex. “youkai,” “alkahestry,” etc).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha, and the fic(s) I wrote in the beginning were terrible.  I want to burn all traces of them off the face of the earth.  I was in middle school.  I was young and stupid.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I gotta go with Stardust.  It’s the longest fic I’ve ever completed at more than 160k words.  I was so immensely proud when I typed “The End,” and I was able to say to myself “I did it.”

I tag: @glassesmcfancyhair @willowsrain 

[sierraraeck]

Takin’ One for the Team

BAU x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: Partially inspired by 8x12 Zugzwang. Maeve arc reimagined. Can Aundreya being in the mix change the outcome? Story seventeen.

Category: Angst. Per usual.

Warnings: Cussing. Shots fired.

Word Count: 4.4k

I felt like I was 14 again. Double that amount of time later, and I was back to doing the same damn thing. It’s like my life is taking place inside of a hamsterwheel and I’m just the ignorant, pitiful little hamster, tirelessly running around and around and around again, expecting to actually get somewhere. Expecting things to actually change. But I just kept looking at the same metal bars spinning beneath my feet. Or in my case, metal bars in front of my face.

Luckily, I was getting some reprieve from said bars because I was out, tracing a possible stalker and murderer. Much better than having to be stuck in a cell with one, though.

Hotch was right; this Robert character was not someone who wanted to be found. Not like he was any match for me. Garcia gave me a general starting point with his last known address and where he used to work, but he hadn’t been seen or heard from for weeks. I casually struck up a conversation with some of his coworkers and previous neighbors, indulging myself in the lies I had to come up with for the more cautious ones. I was Robert’s girlfriend, ex-wife, parole officer, drug sponsor, and hot barista fuck buddy. They gave me an even better idea about what kind of person he was and where I could find him. It was funny to me, that a few of the people I talked to had informed me ‘against their better judgement’ that the FBI was interested in him as well. I acted surprised, as if I didn’t already know that the rest of the team was still going about their profile as usual. They were just hoping I could maybe get to the same conclusion faster (since they didn’t want to get docked for using illegal stalking methods. Funny though, that they weren't allowed to do that, but were allowed to ‘hire’ someone to do that, but nobody asked for my opinion).

After two and a half days of nonstop chatting and moving around to follow his friends and family, I overheard a conversation between two of his previous best friends. They were meeting at 11 at night in a small bar. I sat a few seats away from them, pretending to sip on the cocktail in front of me. They mentioned some new and sort of secret girlfriend. The way they were talking, it sounded to me like they were worried about him.

“He hasn’t told me anything else besides that,” the blonde said.

“And you’re sure? I wouldn’t think that he’d just disappear on us like that? And for some chick?” the ginger questioned.

“I heard a woman’s voice in the background, and he quickly hung up. I’m telling you, that was it.”

If I could get my hands on his phone…

From my seat at the bar, I turned to face the pair. I caught the blonde’s eye, gave him a small smile, and then took a slow sip from my drink, keeping eye contact with him the whole time. Then, I looked away. I gave it a minute or so more of them arguing over what they think did and didn’t happen before glancing back over at the blonde. His eyes were on me, so I decided to cut to the chase. I didn’t have time for the long game.

I hopped out of my seat and strutted over to them. “Hello, boys.”

Both of them looked up at me from their seats, a smile spreading on their faces and their shoulders becoming less tense. I scanned the blonde, evaluating his pockets, trying to figure out which one had his phone in it.

“Well, hi there,” the ginger said. “What is a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?”

“I don’t intend on being alone for much longer,” I smiled, cheeky. I ran my hand along his shoulder and then across to his friend, the blonde, who was my real target. I noticed the rectangular outline of his phone in one of his pants pockets.

“You don’t?” the blonde squeaked. Good, he’s the shy one. That’ll make this a lot easier.

I walked around him to the side that concealed his phone. My hand brushed over his chest and down to his leg which had started jumping.

“No, not really.” I reached inside his pocket and pulled out his phone. “Do you mind?”

He shook his head, eyes wide.

Men, I laughed to myself.

I opened his phone and quickly typed a message to Garcia’s number, letting her know that she should track his call history. I deleted the message, and then seductively slid his phone back into his pocket. Just to complete the sale, I leaned over and put my lips to his ear. “When you’re done here, give me a call.”

I turned and walked out the door, offering him one more wink in my wake.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

Garcia tracked the number back to his apartment. Which we already knew was empty.

Fuck. Ok, so if I’m Robert, skipping town for a girl is not usual for me, so I’m either running from something or I’m in trouble. If I’m running, the first place I’d go is to my secret girlfriend’s place, because no one would know how to find me there. If my girlfriend is crazy like my friends think she is, then she’s the reason I’d potentially be in trouble. If I’m the crazy one, then maybe I’m going after Maeve, which we already knew, but then where would I take her? I couldn’t take her to my girlfriend’s house, now could I?

Unless… I could? Maybe they’re both crazy and he’s getting back at Maeve for god knows what, and maybe his girlfriend doesn’t like that Maeve ‘hurt’ her boyfriend in some way? Or maybe she doesn’t like that he’s still thinking about her? Could this be a team effort?

However I sliced it, I had to figure out who, and where, this girlfriend was.

I broke back into his apartment and searched his entire phone again, already knowing there wasn’t really anything helpful there. I rummaged through his desk and random things in his bedroom and still didn’t see anything more useful than the first time.

So I’m dating someone that I feel comfortable sharing things like Maeve with. I’ve known her for a while, and I probably felt an immediate connection or something extra special because I haven’t introduced her to anyone. Maybe there’s something about her that I just don’t want to share. Am I embarrassed or protective? Am I worried that people won’t approve? Is there something different about her than my usual type? What is my usual type? Is she manipulating me into not sharing her? Is she controlling me, compelling me to submit to her? Is it more subtle than that? Could she be the mastermind behind all of this? I mean, his friends did sound pretty worried…

The one question I decided I could try to answer first was his usual type. For the next few days, I struck up more conversations about who he usually dated, and all of their answers described someone like Maeve. Smart, brunette, into science and medicine and stuff.

So this new woman, does she fit this type? Does she almost fit this type, but not completely? Based on what I’ve heard, someone like Maeve would handle these types of things, relationships and such, with a clear head, so whoever this is has got to be more immature. Petty? Probably. What is her role in all of this?

I went back to his apartment, again, to rummage through his stuff for the third time. But I guess they do say, third time’s the charm.

I was messing around in his bedroom when I heard the door unlock. I froze, not daring to make a sound. I peered around the edge of his door and saw Robert standing right there in the middle of his living room. He sighed and then started heading for his bedroom. Heading right at me. I scrambled over his bed and luckily hopped out of the window before he got in. There was a railing just below that I could put my toes on so I could peek into the room. Robert bee-lined it toward his bed, got on his knees, and then crawled almost completely underneath it. I watched in curiosity as he squirmed back out, seeming to have accomplished nothing, and then turned to walk right back out the door.

I slid back inside and dropped to my own knees, needing to know what it was he was looking at. I swiped my hands around on the increasingly dusty floor until I felt it. A small, single finger sized, latch. I tugged and it offered some resistance, but then revealed a pile of pictures. Him and his mystery woman. I pulled them out and into the light, only to notice an outline of dust on the top picture.

A gun. He just grabbed out a gun.

I flipped the pictures over and read a single sentence: “Lovely Diane, 2013.” Of course, there was no last name.

I tossed the pictures on the bed and exited through the window, eyeing Robert from above. I dropped down to the pavement, and made sure to keep a healthy distance behind him. I followed him all the way back to some beat up, abandoned loft, taking a variety of unnecessary twists and turns. At least he was trying to be thorough, not like it was really doing him any good. I watched him cross the street and stood in the nearest alleyway where I could still see him.

He walked in, but after 19 hours of nonstop serveilience, he never came out.

What is going on in there?

My answer came an hour later when a bang went off. It was practically the dead of night, but when it happened, even the few people standing around didn’t seem too bothered by it. If you really wanted to ignore it, I guess you could have just crossed it off as someone throwing a really heavy metal pot on the cement floors. I, however, knew better.

I left my hideout spot and swiftly crossed the street in search of a back door. Turning around to the back of the bruised building, I found no doors, but there were windows. Luckily for me, there was an emergency ladder drilled into the wall, so I could use that to peer through each of the windows. Of course, nothing can be easy, so it took me all the way until the top before I found something. Sitting there, tied to a chair, was Robert, blood streaming out of the hole in his temple. Across from him was that crazy bitch Diane, pacing back and forth with the gun in her hand, and Maeve, tied to the chair in front of her.

She’s pretty, and she looks sweet. Perfect for Reid. Too bad he refused to look at her picture.

I was tempted to just barge in and handle things on my own, but I knew it wouldn’t go as well as calling the team. I convinced some poor guy to give me a few quarters for a payphone I ran to, calling Garcia. She said the team was already on their way.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

“She got a gun, Robert’s dead, and Maeve’s in there,” I confirmed as the stream of agents got out of their SUVs.

Reid started moving in the direction of the door before I grabbed his arm and yanked him back. “Where do you think you’re going? Did you miss the gun and the dead part?”

“I was kinda focused on the Maeve part,” he spat, trying to shake me off. I held him firm, almost digging my nails into him. He longingly looked towards the door, but he didn’t make a move to go. Had he, I probably would have left bruises on his bicep.

“What’s the plan?” I asked, directing my attention to the rest of the group.

It was Reid who answered instead, “Me for her.”

The weight of those three words hit me like a brick, causing me to loosen my grip on his arm. He took advantage of that, pulling his arm out of my grasp. “Huh?”

“I was in contact with Diane before the ride here. The deal is me for her. I’m going in there,” he gave me a pointed look. Whether you like it or not, seemed to be the follow-up phrase in his eyes.

Hotch gave out orders as to what everyone needed to be doing, and what they needed to be ready for, all except for me.

“And you are going to stay here,” his voice was stern and not one to argue with. But when have I ever not argued?

“What? You’re going to let Reid go in there literally blind while the rest of us wait out here? And then when something does happen, you just expect me to stand here?”

“Yes.”

The look in his eyes shut me up. But they didn’t stop me from looking for the first opportunity to get away.

Everyone was so focused on what Reid was doing, and paying attention to the front of the building, that no one noticed me sneak off to the back of the building. I used the same avenue I’d used earlier, climbing up the escape ladder to the top. I now saw Reid tied to a chair, opposite Maeve, Diane just waltzing around, waving her gun between the two of them. Since they were in a room across the narrow hall, I hoped she wouldn’t hear me as I slowly brought the window upwards. I slid into the room soundlessly, relieved that there was concrete beneath my feet and not squeaky wood. I looked around for anything in the room that could potentially be useful against this lunatic, considering I didn’t have a gun with me, and the FBI confiscated all of my knives. I found nothing.

When I turned my attention back to the other room, I saw Diane with her lips on Reid’s. Maeve and I had similar reactions to the sight, but there wasn’t time to think about that, because the next thing I knew, Diane screeched, “Liar!”

Had I blinked, I would have missed Spencer standing up out of his chair, aiming the gun away from him and towards the ceiling. There was a loud bang, followed by the echo off the roof. Within seconds, another bang went off and Hotch was leading as the team streamed into the room. Spencer was on the ground holding his arm, and I released a sigh of relief knowing he wasn’t dead. That relief quickly diminished as I saw Diane grab Maeve around the neck, gun to her throat.

No, no, not today bitch.

Spencer’s pleas for the team to stay back were being ignored, so he spoke up, “Diane, Diane, there’s still a way out of this.”

“You never wanted me,” she said, and I could hear the tears in her throat. “Never! You lied!”

As her grip on Maeve tightened, Spencer took a step forward. “I didn’t,” he tried, “Diane, I offered you a deal, and you can still take it. Me for her, let me take her place.”

He looked so desperate, and Diane’s posture was rigid as she continued to adjust her grip on Maeve, whose head was bobbing around like a bobble head. I started to move in from behind her, steps even and noiseless, like I liked.

“You would do that?” Diane croaked.

“Yes.” The sureness in Reid’s voice almost shook me enough to stop me, but I couldn’t stop now. I had emerged enough from the hallway entrance that the team could see me. Hotch gave me a wicked side eye, but Spencer seemed to be blind, tunnel vision on Maeve and Diane.

“You would kill yourself for her?” Diane’s voice cracked.

“Yes.” Not if I can help it.

Any doubts in my head about messing this up flew right out the window I’d come through. In a single move, I reached around the pair and grabbed both Diane’s hands. I easily pulled them out from around Maeve, turning her to face me, both arms up. I kneed her in the stomach, which left her breathless and on the ground.

But she didn’t drop the gun. The impact of her hitting the floor wasn’t enough to release the gun out of her determined grip like I’d planned.

Whatever Maeve was about to say got muffled by me yanking her behind me. With no weapon, no bulletproof vest, and a psycho with a gun pointed at me, all I could think about was how if I died, at least I died for the sake of two people’s happiness. Probably more.

From her position on the ground, Diane shot at me. My ears were ringing from the sensation and I made a movement to stay standing, but all I could feel was the cool concrete that seemed to be melting underneath me.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

The first thing I felt was the chains. Well, that’s not true. I felt the pain first. The pounding in my head, the throbbing in my left side, and then the all too familiar ring around my wrist, surly leaving a bruise. I peeked one eye open, confirming my theory that I was in fact handcuffed to the hospital bed by my right wrist. Right after, I saw faces staring at me, and decided to close my eye again. I was not about to face the team. Not yet.

But, because I seem to have to face things much sooner than I’d like, a deep voice cooed, “Wakey, wakey, Sleeping Beauty.”

With my eyes still squeezed shut, I muttered, “I swear to god, if you came anywhere near my lips to wake me up, I think I’ll vomit.” I squinted open my eyes to Derek making kissy faces at me and groaned. I went to playfully push his face away, but my wrist caught in the cuffs. He looked down at them with a strained face as I quipped, “Well, that kinda kills the mood, now doesn’t it?”

“Chambers-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Some bullshit about getting me outta prison and it being necessary or whatever. Doesn’t make it more enjoyable,” I gave a tight lipped smile.

“How do you feel?” Prentiss asked, trying to change the subject.

“Like someone who just got shot in the side,” I nodded nonchalantly, “What happened to our favorite sociopath?”

“You just told us. She got shot in the side,” Derek smiled with a shrug.

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious. But seriously?”

“As Diane shot at you, I shot her in the back of the head,” Hotch stated.

“Naturally. Of course, you couldn’t have done that before I got shot,” I offered him a small smirk, “So, uh, him and Maeve are good?” I questioned.

“Yeah, Maeve and Spencer are fine,” Prentiss said, emphasizing Spencer’s name a bit extra, letting me know she, and probably the rest of the team, noticed I’d avoided using it. I just nodded in response.

“Actually…” Penelope said, looking around at the others for what seemed like some sort of approval, “They want to see you.”

My face scrunched up in a mix between a question and disbelief. “Why?”

“They want to thank you,” she simply put it.

“Great. Tell them ‘you’re welcome’ for me,” I raised my eyebrows. Hotch gave me a pointed look but I wasn’t really in the mood for seeing the happy couple together after just getting shot for them. I should have been fine with it, him and Maeve were good together and I was over him. I was. Really, I was, but I just didn’t want to see them together, was that really so bad of me? But the look on Hotch’s face told me otherwise.

I huffed out, “Fine.”

Penelope smiled at me, and went to fetch them. The interim before they showed up was painful, in more ways than one. Hotch, Morgan, Prentiss, and I all just waited in silence, the three of them sharing looks I was not privy to, and frankly too tired to decipher. Penelope returned, ushering Reid and Maeve into my room.

“Hey,” Maeve’s gentle voice rang.

“Hey,” mine, in contrast, sounded scruffy, tired, and deep.

“How are you doing?” she asked. Her soft features had a brightness to them, and I could tell that light was probably why Reid was attracted to her.

“I’m doing okay. How are you?”

“Doing okay as well, thanks to you,” she smiled at me. I attempted to give her one back without grimacing. I waited in silence for her to continue. “I just wanted to thank you for what you did. It was very brave and I wouldn’t be standing here with this amazing guy-” gag, “-without you. I owe you everything.”

“That’s very sweet, but you owe me nothing,” I managed through clenched teeth. I hadn’t even looked over at him yet. I honestly didn’t think I could, knowing only days before I’d been on the brink of a love confession to the guy whose girlfriend I just got shot for.

“I wanted to thank you as well,” the voice, his voice, hit my eardrums like a hammer, “You didn’t have to do something like that for her, you didn’t really even have a reason to, and you did it anyways. I’m glad you’re okay.” I wanted to be insulted by the fact that he thought I wasn’t nice enough to do that for any rando, but I knew what he was getting at, so I attempted to overlook it. I finally glanced over at him, which was one of the many mistakes of my life. My heart clenched, and I fought the feeling of water brimming in my eyes. I thought I could do it, but I couldn’t. I can’t sit here and look at them, thanking me for saving their relationship when I don’t want them to have one in the first place.

That thought hit me hard, realizing that, while I’d been convincing myself this whole time that he was better off without me, better with Maeve, I still didn’t want that. Yes, I still believed that he would be better with someone else, but it was the first time I cracked and allowed my real thoughts to rise to the surface of my mind. And it almost broke me.

I swallowed that though and replied, “Yeah, I’m okay. At least we both have matching injuries now, you know, trying to save Maeve and all.” Venom, and what I refused to be jealousy, clung to my words, and I knew the look I was giving the two of them. Both of their faces contorted into a vast mix of hurt, confusion, and discomfort. And while that’s what I was going for, I knew it was wrong of me. Neither one of them asked me to take a bullet for her, I did that all on my own. So I quickly shook the feelings, and the face, and covered with, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I think I’m just tired, and the drugs they’re giving me-”

Morgan piped up, “They didn’t give you any drugs, we made sure of that.”

“Good,” I clenched my jaw, but forced my words to be relaxed and welcoming, “then it’s the pain. Either way, thank you for coming in here and thanking me. It means a lot, and doesn't happen enough to the people in this line of work. Plus, it wasn’t just me, it was everyone else, too.”

Maeve and Reid quickly recovered and gave me a small smile. Maeve quickly thanked everyone else, which I’m sure she’d already done, and left with a small, “I hope you recover quickly.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you’re both doing well,” I croaked. Once they left, another quiet spell hovered over the room. Before anyone could say, ask, or scold, I followed with, “I think I’m going to get some rest.”

The three of them nodded, and left me alone without another word.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

The only thought coursing through my head was, I have got to get out of here.

So that’s exactly what I did. It’d been a few hours since they left, and I didn’t foresee any new visitors coming, or even nurses for that matter. I searched the room for anything useful that could release the cuff on my right hand, and luckily, the clipboard with whatever fancy papers on it was by the foot of the bed. I shimmied down until I could grab the board between my feet, and made an awkward maneuver to get it to my left hand. I brought it back to my face and pulled off the paper clips holding some of the sheets together. I awkwardly bent my right wrist to try to aid in the process of picking the lock, but I had to essentially do it all with my left, not like that was particularly difficult. Definitely not compared to some of the things I’d been through lately, that’s for sure. Then I heard what had come to be one of my favorite sounds, a nice little ‘click.’

I quickly got out of bed with a groan, hobbled over to the table with my few belongings, and threw on the clothes I’d been wearing since they retrieved me from prison. They were itchy and smelled similar to sewer water, but they were clothes that were not a jumpsuit or a hospital gown, so at least there was that.

Right before I left, I walked over to the sheets of paper still attached to the clipboard. I flipped the first one around, and wrote two simple sentences on it.

Because I had to.

Because I have to fix things.

I left that face up on my now empty bed, where I honestly should’ve still been considering how shity my side and head still felt. But instead, I kept my head down, my hands in my pockets, and just walked right out the door. Because while their stalker case might have been solved, I still didn’t have mine as neatly wrapped up.

Series Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl @kris-stuff @blameitonthenight21 @wooya1224 @unded-bride @swiftingday @dezzxmx

[keelywolfe]

FIC: The Royal We ch.1 (baon)

Summary: Family helps family. Sometimes right into the path of an oncoming car.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

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~~*~~

When they first came to this universe, it hadn’t taken long for Edge to realize that things were very different here than back home in Underfell, (no, not home, not for a long time now). The changes took some time to absorb and some might never fully integrate, as his freezer filled with stocked up meals would attest. But there were a few universal constants and while all of them grew up with their brother as their only relative, they all knew that family helped family. Even when that family was a pack of alternates who appeared later in life.

Which was how Edge found himself on his day off sitting on the floor of what was currently Papyrus and Blue’s house, making party favors for Undyne’s baby shower.

The living room was strewn with decorations waiting to be placed, streamers and banners in an eclectic rainbow of colors, uninflated balloons spilling out of a bag like the leftover skins of a particularly garish fruit. The party itself wasn’t until tomorrow, but that left little time to waste, considering the plans Papyrus had drawn up.

Plan was perhaps an overstatement, but Edge could never fault Papyrus for his enthusiasm. His color scheme, on the other hand—well. He’d never approved of the way some Humans were so obsessed with gender that they actually assigned colors at birth but there was a great distance between that and a design that might cause any guests with fleshier eyes to scramble for sunglasses.

Papyrus was bustling around setting things up while the rest of them were sitting on the floor in a circle around a coffee table that was cluttered with craft supplies. He’d paired each of them off to work on separate projects and for all that the occasion was a joyous one, the mood was decidedly not.

“how many of these things do we need, anyway?” Stretch grumbled. His and Jeff’s assigned duty was to pour a mixture of toffee-coated popcorn into small plastic bags, tie it closed with a ribbon, and then affix a sticker on the front that declared in cheery letters ‘Ready to Pop’!

Edge was morbidly curious as to how Undyne felt about that particular sentiment this close to the end of her pregnancy.

A glance at the finished bags confirmed that Stretch’s ribbons were less a bow and more a tangle of colorful knots, Jeff’s only a slight improvement. The bags were sealed at least, and Papyrus was more than content with the effort, which was all that really mattered.

Besides, Edge was busy with his own task; planting tiny succulents into miniature pots, each with a painstakingly attached tag reading, ‘Watch Me Grow!’. Privately, he thought the small cacti were a far better representation of Undyne than any snack, but then, he wasn’t the one actually throwing the shower.

“How many do we need,” Papyrus repeated thoughtfully. Edge pointedly did not ask about the garland in his hand which seemed to be made of dangling fish ornaments and…was that tomatoes? Edge decided it would be best not to know, lest he end up lying awake tonight with the answer still haunting him. “Well, there is Undyne’s co-workers in Security and Alphys’s at the lab, plus their neighbors and friends, and of course us!”

“i don’t need no damn cactus,” Red muttered sullenly. How Papyrus even got Red here was another burning question, though the answer was likely Sans sitting placidly right next to him. His collar was visible over the neckline of his t-shirt, the buckle glinting in the light. Occasionally he reached up absently to touch it as if to verify it hadn’t wandered off when he wasn’t looking. Their entire duty seemed to be putting cans of sparkling water into drink koozies emblazoned with such witticisms as ‘nacho average baby’ over a cartoon of a tortilla chip. It was anyone’s guess as to if that task was actually assigned to them or simple the one they’d decided on doing, but between them, there were four cans done after a half an hour of work.

Sans managed to slide another can into a koozie, bringing their grand total to five. “paps, that didn’t really answer the question.”

“That would be because I am not finished counting!” Papyrus scolded. “There’s also Undyne’s ‘Cooking with Krav Maga’ class and naturally all the Dreemurr family will be coming.”

“great, ass-gore will be here,” Stretch muttered, fumbling to tie another ribbon with varying success. “i’ll be sure to bring my headphones.”

Edge sighed inwardly. Stretch was in a prickly mood and had been all day, and it didn’t take a scientist-level IQ to know it had something to do with the baby shower. They’d known about this for days; when Papyrus asked if they would help, Edge hadn’t hesitated to agree. Now he was wondering if he shouldn’t have asked Stretch in advance. He hadn’t refused to come, but he’d been twitchy and snappish since getting up that morning, only getting worse when they came over. If the party were for anyone but Undyne, Edge would have suggested they go home.

Adding to the irritation was Red in a poor mood of his own and he hadn’t a single qualm about casting sparks around a gasoline spill. “good, no one wants to hear you flappin’ your yap, anyway. save your 280 characters for your twitter freaks.”

“aww, jealous?” Stretch cooed, “‘cause, you talk so much crap, i dunno whether to you need toilet paper or a breath mint.”

Edge exchanged a weary look with Blue, who returned it with equal exasperation. Those two had been sniping at each other all morning and it was Blue’s turn to attempt a least a little fire prevention.

“Really, Papy, that’s enough,” Blue said reprovingly. That might stop them briefly, but they all knew from past experience it wouldn’t last. Red and Stretch were alike in a number of dissatisfying ways, past the darkened circles of exhaustion that were currently visible beneath both their sockets. For one, most of them weren’t above returning a good insult with a better one, but Red and Stretch could be particularly vicious about it. Usually it was better to let them simply work it out between themselves; trying to intercede past a little mild scolding usually ended up getting you mixed up in the spat.

This time Edge was tempted, if only because Jeff looked supremely uncomfortable. He fumbled with his latest little bag of popcorn and ended up with a good portion bouncing into his lap rather than the treat bag.

For the time being, Sans seemed content to allow them to try to rein in their brothers, and that would likely last until their petty squabbling might upset Papyrus. Who thus far either hadn’t noticed or was content to allow the others to handle it. Edge hoped it was the latter. The crack in Papyrus’s skull was still starkly visible, although his balance seemed much improved, if the way he all but leapt from the ladder was any indication, digging furiously through an overflowing box of even more decorations.

“sure, bro,” Stretch said to his brother’s scold, and then promptly added a mumble of, “don’t see why he has to be here, anyway.”

“’cause it ain’t your party, it’s hers, and she’d want ‘im,” Red grumbled. Then, in a smirking sotto voce, “’sides, i figure he’s the baby daddy so be kinda rude not to at least give ‘im a party favor.”

“There is no baby daddy, since neither Undyne nor Alphys want to be called daddy, and it’s much ruder to speculate,” Papyrus called primly, confirming that he was indeed listening to the ongoing bickering. He stood with his hands on his hips, eyeing the growing balloon sculpture critically. Edge joined him in looking, biting the tip of his tongue to hold back any questions, especially on whether the design was supposed to be Undyne or an eggplant. Never ask when you didn’t want to know the answer and Papyrus wove in another long, purple balloon as he went on, “and also Asgore can’t be the donor because I am.”

A hush of silence fell, along with a number of wide sockets and eyes turning to Papyrus’s direction. No one’s were wider than Sans’s at what was obviously unexpected news to him as he blurted, "seriously, bro? you're the one who handed over the baby batter for undyne?”

Papyrus frowned at them all reprovingly. “That is rude AND crude, I'll thank you not to refer to it that way.”

"sorry, bro, but fuck,” Sans sputtered, “you didn’t say anything!”

"Is there a reason I would need to?” Papyrus asked, brow bones raised, “Undyne is my best friend and wanted a child, so of course I would help provide the necessary material in her time of need!"

“necessary material,” Stretch muttered, his face scrunching up, and in that Edge could only agree, “right.” He nudged Jeff with an elbow, who yelped aloud and jumped, sending up another miniature shower of popcorn, “uh, andy, i know we're best buds and all, but if you ever need--"

“Nope, I’m good,” Jeff said, a touch too loudly.

“happy to hear it.” Stretch gave him a grin that slowly faded. “see? so if asgore didn’t donate his, uh, time and effort, he can stay home."

“Honestly, Papy you can’t—" Blue began reprovingly, only to be drowned out by Red’s loud snort.

“what the fuck is your problem with asgore, anyway,” Red grumbled. He picked at his gold tooth, a tell that sent tension winding up Edge’s spine even as his brother added with lazy viciousness, “get over it already, you act like he’s your ex who fucked you over.”

The day seemed to be one for unexpected silences. Only this time the stares were directed at Stretch, who said nothing. He only sat white-faced, cellophane crinkling loudly as his hands fisted around the bag in his lap, his skull draining of color as he managed to look at anything but those stares.

Red let out a harsh chortle of laughter, “seriously? all this time you’ve been holier than thou about his lv and it’s actually ‘cause you used to give him the bone over in your ‘verse? fuck, now there is a mental picture,” Red moaned out gleefully, “oooh, fuzzy ass, stick it to me good! ram me with your furry wand of wonder and i’ll get your goat!”

A chorus of protests rose up, with Edge’s snarl of, “That’s enough!” rising to the top.

But Stretch was already standing, a litter of colorful ribbons shedding from his lap as he walked swiftly to the door.

“Rus—" Edge stood to chase after him, cursing his damned leg as it threatened to buckle under him. It was an exercise in futility from the start, as he’d known it would be. Stretch shortcutted the moment he was out the door, heading off Angel knew where to lose himself in the stew of his own thoughts. The temptation to look up where he’d reappeared on the phone app was strong, but Edge resisted it. Stretch had the right to be alone if that was what he wanted, particularly after that dig.

He sighed and went back into the house. Only to pause as he saw the various looks had transferred to him, all of them guarded, particularly Blue; his starry eye lights seemed to be anticipating anger at Stretch. As if this made any damned difference between them. Even Jeff looked near tears, like he expected Edge to already have Antwan on the phone demanding him to draw up divorce papers. It was damn well insulting, and he glared back at them all until those gazes dropped, Blue’s reluctantly last.

All except for his own brother. Red was grinning, savagely pleased, and if they wanted anger, the simmering urge to shout at his brother was rising to a roiling boil in him, his LV waking in his soul to twinge eagerly at the heat of it. Only that was likely exactly what his brother wanted, to be punished for his casual cruelties. Whatever was troubling Red, Edge wasn’t about to reward his masochism.

His own anger fell swiftly into disappointment; lately Red had been bordering on kind with Stretch, if it could be called that, treating him as a brother, or better, if Edge were honest with himself. A brother that needed his protection as Edge decidedly did not. It’d been some time since he’d deliberately needled Stretch and Edge couldn’t even understand why he’d chosen to do so today. Whatever his petty reasons, they weren’t sufficient enough to excuse that.

Edge kept his voice low and even as he said, “That was cruel.”

That satisfied smirk faltered and Red shifted to lean forward. “yeah? well, it's about time he starts getting’ over it. it ain’t the same guy and he’s married to you.”

“Affection for someone else is not any kind of betrayal and considering that all of you calculated our worlds have ceased to exist, there isn’t much opportunity for closure, is there,” Edge said, acid creeping in. "The state of my marriage is no concern of yours."

Red’s sockets fell half-closed as he said, dangerously soft, "you think so, boss?"

Then he flinched suddenly, yelping as Sans slapped him upside the head. "you’re so eager for stretch to get over shit, how about you practice what you preach.” He shoved a can of sparkling water into Red’s lap. “shut up and put on a fucking koozie.”

Red scowled hard and Edge did not miss his crimson gaze flicking to the collar around Sans's throat. Grudgingly, he did what he was told.

“Do not interfere with my marriage,” Edge said coolly. Not that such a statement would stop his brother, but at least it was said between them. Then to Papyrus. “I am sorry, but."

Papyrus only flapped his hands at him, shooing him away, “No, no, go, talk to Stretchy Me! I’m sure Cherry here would like to think about how much he hurt Stretch’s feelings and yours, his own brother, who has recently suffered an injury. And there are my own injuries to consider as well, sticks, stones, and words do hurt!"

Edge let him ramble and started for the door, then hesitated. The others were accustomed to a certain amount of internal friction, some of it formerly his and Stretch’s, from the moment they woke up in this universe. Their Human companion was not so inured to it and Edge crouched to set a ginger hand on Jeff’s shoulder, “Jeff, I’m sorry.”

“Nah,” Jeff waved it off, offering up a lopsided grin. “That was nothing. You should’ve seen Thanksgiving at my grandparent’s place. Don’t think my grandma ever got the gravy stains off the ceiling.”

“can’t just drop a hint like that and not give the story, andy,” Sans said, lightly. The others murmured agreement, eager to latch onto another topic.

Edge could hear as he went out the door, “Well, uh, see, my grandpa was originally from Norway, and—”

There were any number of places Stretch might go to nurse his internal wounds, but Edge had a fairly good guess as to the likeliest one. He drove home, parked his car in the driveway, but instead of heading up to the front porch, he went around the side of the house towards their fenced backyard. Before he was even close, he could hear Stretch talking and he went quietly through the gate to see him sitting outside the coop with Noodle settled into his lap, the laces of his untied sneakers trailing into the grass for Dumpling to peck at.

His skull was resting against one of the support posts, still too pale, his sockets closed and his vape drooping loosely from his long fingers. Vaping instead of smoking cropped up sometimes when Stretch was truly irritated, as if he subconsciously wanted control over something and settled for his nicotine addiction. Or perhaps it was to protect his feathered companions from secondhand smoke.

Noodle didn’t seem bothered either way, chirring softly as Stretch stroked his free hand down her back.

“—not like i don’t know i’m being a dick. that guy just pisses me off sometimes. asgore, not red. actually, they both piss me off, now that you mention it.”

Noodle made an inquisitive sound and Stretch sighed out a cloud of vapor. “yeah, yeah, i was in a mood before we even went over. i dunno, all that baby shit gets on my nerves for some reason.” He scratched lightly under Noodle’s chin and she cooed contentedly. “you’re right, it’s no excuse for being shitty. especially to papyrus, he’s all excited about throwing this party. even if the balloon thing was creepy, you should’ve seen it, like cthulhu’s second cousin after failed plastic surgery.”

“You weren’t being a dick.” Edge said, quietly. Stretch tensed and his sockets slid open, but he didn’t look up, his pale eye lights straying down on his poultry pal. Edge walked over and sat next to them, keeping a careful distance away, easily breached if Stretch wished, or a comforting barrier if he didn’t. “Perhaps a little rude.” Edge held up his thumb and forefinger an inch apart. “A little. My brother, on the other hand, was embracing his dickish nature.”

Stretch made a faint, amused sound, “red embracing his dick was not a chat i was expecting today.”

Then he leaned to the side, crossing the distance between them to rest his skull on Edge’s shoulder. He took the unsubtle hint and slid an arm around his husband’s slim shoulders, holding him in close, closing his sockets against the faint tremble in Stretch’s voice as softly spoke.

“he wasn’t my boyfriend. fuck, i never saw him get out of the ruins. i…might’ve given it a shot if he had,” his voice dropped to a bare whisper and Edge hummed encouragingly, already anticipating what was coming, “but i was fucking everyone back then. i was maybe a little infatuated, okay? that’s it.”

“All right,” Edge said, calmly, even as he tightened his arm around Stretch, holding him closer still. He was not jealous of Stretch’s yesterdays; his only commitments were his tomorrows, and despite what his brother might think, Edge was certainly not about to allow anything so trivial as a former crush on a dead man come between them.

Stretch heaved a watery little sigh. “but that isn’t it, not really. he was my friend and i promised him i’d take care of the kid. instead i—"

“Did what you had to do,” Edge interrupted firmly. He understood impossible situations better than most, his own LV-tainted soul aching to think of Stretch enduring what he had for so long, an impossible choice to make between his world and the intent of a murderous child.

Yet, even now, Stretch couldn’t be convinced that was true. He only sighed out a quiet, “sure.” Then, louder, “anyway. he was my friend. he would have hated to see what he was in this world. it’s just…it’s hard sometimes.”

“I know.” Hard to see alternates of people they’d known, a lifetime of memories to be set aside while learning a new person with an old face. Undyne was his own personal struggle and Edge could call her friend, but it wasn’t the same, it couldn’t be.

Next to him, Stretch snuggled in closer even as Noodle let out a querulous protest over the lack of petting. “i’ve been thinking. my hp is on the rise, right?”

“It’s 5 and a quarter, love,” Edge said dryly, reaching over to offer the chicken a gentle pat, Noodle’s dismay quickly turning to a rapturous croon, “and as happy as I am for it, I’d prefer if you didn’t decide to take up hang gliding or street fighting.”

"you're hilarious, babe." Another long, slow breath, before Stretch blurted, "i know i kinda railroaded you when we talked about this before. if you really want kids--" he faltered, his voice breaking as Edge listened in dismayed confusion, "i mean, if that's…we could…"

Suddenly Edge knew precisely what Rus was going to offer and he didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want him to think in even the tiniest way that he’d lost some measure of Edge’s love by preferring not to have children and and he didn’t know how to stop him from strangling out the words.

So Edge cupped his face in a hand and turned Stretch’s head towards him to kiss that stammering mouth lingeringly, until he stopped trying and simply melted into the gentle touch. By the time he drew away, Stretch was the one making thin, dismayed sounds, trying to chase after that kiss for more, his eye lights hazy soft. Instead, Edge pressed a light, teasing kiss to the slight nodule of his nasal cavity.

"No, I don’t think so,” Edge told him, slow and carefully. Watching that much-loved face to make sure Stretch was hearing him. “I’ve considered it and I’ve decided I’m entirely too busy to add parenthood to my schedule. I’m going back to the Y this week, I think I’m better off trying to secure a place in this world for the children already in it.”

Poorly hidden relief flickered over Stretch’s face and Edge leaned in to kiss him again, silently hoping that he was truly believed this time. There was no doubt in his mind that Stretch would force himself to endure the stresses of having a child if he thought Edge wished it, but making Stretch bear the weight of unwanted parenthood was a nightmare not to be considered. He’d love the child, surely, but at what cost? Far higher than Edge would ever consider paying.

A sudden cackle came from inside the coop and Stretch jerked away, sitting bolt upright.

“the egg!” Stretch gasped, scrambling to his feet, “i never did get a chance to research her adopted egg. you think maybe it actually—” hatched, he did not say, almost superstitiously hopeful.

“It’s possible,” Edge hedged, doubtfully. They both started into the coop, only for a voice calling over the fence to stop them.

“Hello? Hello, is anyone home?” The words were couched with near panic and the voice was a familiar one. Stretch beat him to the fence, opening the gate as he limped as quickly as he could over.

“Janice?” Edge said, surprised and concerned. The fur on her face was matted and wet with tears and she wrung her hands, shaking as she tried to speak. It brought back unpleasant memories of the attack at the Embassy, when one of the protesters threw a brick at her. Even then her pain and fear were tempered under practicality as she asked Antwan to bring her children to the hospital, her thoughts on keeping her boys from fearing Humans more than they already might. To see her bereft of her usual firm control was concerning.

“Calm down,” Edge soothed, pulling her into his arms without a thought, even as he cast a wary glance around the neighborhood. Nothing seemed out of order, not yet, “What’s happened?”

She leaned against him heavily and he nearly staggered back a step. Tall as he was, they were of nearly an equal weight. “It’s Jude, he didn’t come home for lunch and I can’t find him anywhere!” She hitched out a sob. “None of the other children have seen him, my family has been looking but we can’t find him, I can’t—”

Her voice dissolved and Edge gave her a last pat before firmly pushing her into his husband’s startled arms.

“Stretch, stay with her,” Edge commanded, reaching for his phone, “I’m going to make some calls.”

“yeah, sure,” Stretch agreed hastily. He rubbed a soothing hand down her back as Janice struggled against her tears. “hey, we’ll find him. little guy couldn’t have gotten too far.”

Edge was already pulling up his contact list and couldn’t help the darkly sour thought that if this didn’t pull his brother out of his bad mood, nothing would.

~~*~~

tbc

[dolores-lovesfruits]

There is something that has been itching me ever since I entered the fb fandom. It’s been a long time debate ever since the manga and the 2001 anime up till now and Idk, I feel like this topic is overlooked by many, which is kyo vs. yuki/ more like pitting them against each other on who’s better. 

Beware: This is a super long post.

Look, I may be a Momiji stan at heart but I can’t deny that these dudes are awesome. Do note that I am not speaking against those who have their own biases, I’m referring to the people who keep comparing these two in a really negative way to the extent of antagonizing the other party or worse; comparing who’s got more trauma. I saw the latter part on that one facebook post and I was all “wtf?!” 

Now we all know Yuki was criticized for his so-called “surface” character especially back in the 2001 anime where they really botched their chances of developing Yuki’s storyline with his brother, backstory, and president arc; and since the first half of the manga centered on the true form arc, a lot of Kyo stans emerged and at times, shoved yuki in the mud as if he’s not that important to the whole series (which infuriated me and I’m pointing my finger at the 2001 anime for this). The reboot is finally shining Yuki and the fandom, new viewers/old fans begin to love this Yuki more than the old version because this is the Yuki that was portrayed in the manga that we all love. It also helps that there are a lot who posted their metas about him and people have matured enough to understand his situation.

Now moving on to Kyo. Since the second half of season 2 will finally focus on the storyline that Yuki didn’t get during the 2001 anime, this is the part where I’m very intrigued of. Gathering some opinions from manga readers, this is the arc wherein there might be an emergence of Kyo hate opinions. I predicted this for a number of reasons and connected it to what season 2 will show, like Yuki’s backstory wherein we found out that Yuki actually wanted to befriend Kyo; using yuki as a scapegoat; the cinderella arc where Kyo lashes out on Yuki again. Not to mention, Kyo doesn’t really appear that much or get that much spotlight during the second half (except Kagura’s confession and Kyoko’s backstory albeit it’s more focused on kyoko’s) because his spotlight and development will come at season 3.

This is something that really pissed me off. The Yuki hate was based on his treatment towards Kyo and acting like he’s better than him (ex: is when a lot complained during the ore-sama dialogue that he’s acting all superior to Kyo or some shit). If anything, Yuki has the right to call out on Kyo which I’ll explain below. The Kyo hate on the other hand was based on his treatment to Yuki back when they’re younger till now (it rages me when there are fans who blamed Kyo for ALL of Yuki’s trauma. He’s partly at fault, for sure but the fact that they are really blaming ALL this on Kyo was absurd. blame akito or the curse dammit). 

Kyo’s actions are unjustifiable, sure, especially when he’s channeling his hatred to someone he doesn’t fully know but it’s one of his main conflicts in this series. Even as a kid, he still technically started that feud between their relationship even when Yuki just wanted to be friends w/ him but because of the rat/cat hierarchy implanted on him since he was born, it was natural for him to lash out on Yuki, which, resulted on damaging Yuki’s trauma more. It didn’t help that Yuki was used as his scapegoat because not only projecting your hatred also cause to damage to the other person which come of as insensitive, but it also developed Kyo’s unhealthy way of coping esp since he explicitly said that he used Yuki because he wouldn’t be able to take it any longer (it really was the only thing keeping him together which was a super fucked up situation). It’s a lose-lose battle on him

I’m not going to pretend that Yuki is an angel as well. He, too have struggled immensely and his envious thoughts and jealously towards Kyo sprouted his hatred towards him which in any case, is not Kyo’s fault. His internal struggles of not being able to be himself was not entirely Kyo’s responsibility, which developed an unhealthy coping mechanism wherein he puts up this princely facade and also lashes on/ beats Kyo due to his jealousy. I also think a lot are forgetting that while Kyo used him as a scapegoat, deep inside, Yuki looked down on Kyo as well. Based on what Shigure told Tohru that the cat is needed for them to make themselves feel a little better. Which was amplified during Momiji’s grown up chapter (the scene where they are making curry) the zodiacs finally acknowledged the effect of being in the cat’s unfortunate position.

I cannot fully blame Yuki for looking down on Kyo and used his jealousy to beat him up because he reminds him of anything he’s not. At the same time, I cannot fully blame Kyo for lashing out on him when they were kids and used the rat to have a purpose of his hatred. Their feelings manifested from the curse, it just so happened that these two were driven with different coping mechanisms.

In addition, I really don’t understand the point of antagonizing/villanizing person a to person b’s backstory and vice versa when it’s clearly not the case. A lot are forgetting that it’s the bond/curse and akito that made them this way. You can’t fully blame the other party because both of them are victims of terrifying positions (Yuki’s closest to god so he really suffered from akito’s abuse while Kyo’s position as the cat made him mocked and looked down by the sohmas and eventually imprisoned for life for something he was born with). It’s also interesting despite their different childhood experiences, both experienced some kind of isolation (yuki was isolated from the other zodiacs and kept in the dark room while kyo was an outcast and not included in any event because the mere presence as a cat is something they need for the banquet to keep going).

This is the reason why my blood was boiling when they get compared at who’s got the worst trauma or some shit from the two. It’s downgrading the other’s problems and experiences and fucking petty. BOTH, I repeat, both have been traumatized and suffered a lot and it defeats the purpose on portraying different traumas and their journey of fighting their demons. In other words, the two do not deserve to be compared. It’s not a battle between traumas.

If they want to blame something, blame the fucking curse (and Akito). It clearly destroyed the cursed Sohma’s mental health. No need to pit these two into an experience that haunted them both.

I’m saying this because while I was glad and relieved that the yuki hate is slowly dissolving, I noticed that this season might involve some Kyo hate and I just have to fucking slap my desk and be like “Not this again!”

Again, everyone has an opinion on certain characters but there are some that are just “too much”. That feeling overshadows the character’s good points/flaws. Kyo and Yuki are not painted to be the bad guys. They are characters with flaws and conflict going on. Without these flaws, the story wouldn’t drive further. I actually prefer the fandom right now than before because the majority of the main Kyo and main Yuki stans both love and respect the other. I hope it will continue to be like that and just stop with the Kyo and Yuki hate.

[i-need-entertainment]

Dreams Can Come True: Chapter 2 New Home

Chapter 1-Chapter 3

After Y/n’s shift at the daycare was over, she quickly made her way home and changed into more presentable clothes for her ‘interview’. She made her way out of her home wearing shiny black heels, a form fitting black pencil skirt and a loose, comfy white blouse. Y/n made her way into the café and immediately spotted her friend from this morning. 

She walked over, “Hi Kurono, I hope I didn’t take too long, I wanted to look presentable for meeting your boss!” Chrono took a moment to look at Y/n, and she looked good. If not for his keen control on his emotions he was sure his face would have gone red, but he kept his composure and simply nodded. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. The man lives in button ups and slacks, so I’m sure you’ll make a good first impression.” Y/n then took a moment to notice what Chrono was wearing, he too, had changed into something nicer. He was now wearing a white button up and dark wash, not skinny but not super loose fitting, jeans. Dang, the man cleans up nicely. Unfortunately for our little Y/n here, she doesn’t have the same control over her emotions as the stone cold gangster, so her cheeks may have flushed a *little* pink. Chrono noticed her change in appearance and inwardly flushed at the thought of her blushing at him. Being 20 he knew he was in his ‘prime’ or whatever, and most people would have expected him to have a girlfriend by now, but dating wasn’t exactly easy in his position. Sure, he had a few girlfriends before, but they either just got in the way, only dated him to get close to Kai, or in the most unfortunate cases, weren’t exactly faithful. He just didn’t really see the point in dating if he was just going to get hurt in the end, or have to hurt someone in the end, I mean he may be a ‘heartless’ mafia but he does have one. There was also the fact he had a six year old to take care of, and in all aspects of his life, she was his priority. He had always wanted kids, and a wife. But if he could have at least one of those things, he couldn’t complain, right? He snapped out of it, and led Y/n back to the private room his boss had gotten for the night seeing as the Hassaikai had special ties with the owner. As she walked in the room, she noticed a young, fairly tall and built young man sitting down at the head of the table. Chrono led her to her seat at the opposite end, and took his seat to the right of his boss. To Overhaul’s left was another young man. Y/n polite fully bowed her head and introduced herself. “Hello sir, I’m Y/n L/n.” He nodded his head in acknowledgement and motioned for her to take a seat. It was now she paid attention to what the others were wearing. The man at the head of the table was wearing a black button down shirt with black pants and a white-gray tie. The man beside him dressed in all black, wearing a cape like top and a black bowler’s hat. Most peculiarly about the two however…is that they were wearing plague masks. While the one dressed solely in black wore one that covered his whole face, the one seated at the head of the table wore a burgundy and gold mask that covered only half of his face. Wait a minute…You knew who these people were. “Good evening Ms. L/n. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out who we are, yes?” “I have an idea..” Y/n then noticed Chrono had slipped on  white medical mask. “You’re probably wondering what the Shie Hassaikai wants with a daycare worker, Hm?” You simply nodded your head. “I don’t know how much Chronostasis has told you, but we are in need of female caretaker for the little girl you met today. We’re offering you a spot as not only her caretaker, but as a respected member of the Shie Hassaikai. Join us, and I assure you, you will be taken care of.” Y/n took a moment to think about it.

~Chrono POV/ Narrator POV~

I really do hope she says yes, having her around would make taking care of Eri a lot easier, ad it’d be nice to have her around. “Okay, I’ll do it” Yes! “But…” But…? “I don’t want to kill anyone. It’s true I’m not the biggest fan of heroes, but I’m not exactly pro villain either, I just want to take care of Eri, if that’s okay.” Seems fair to me. I didn’t really want her to have to kill either, a girl as pretty and nice as herself shouldn’t have to go through that….wait what the heck am I thinking?! “Those terms are acceptable, welcome to the Shie Hassaikai, L/n. Now, if you don’t mind, we’d like to ask you some more…personal questions.” Oh boy, here we go again, I already know what he’s going to ask, 1. What’s your quirk. “Tell me, what is your quirk?” Knew it. “Telekinesis, I can control small objects and bring them towards me, or place them wherever I can see.” Overhaul just nodded. 2. Any family/friends who would question your disappearance? “Do you have any family or friends that might find your absence…suspicious?” Strike two “Just my aunt Hina, although I’ve been moved out for two years now, so it shouldn’t seem too suspicious.” Overhaul nodded again, “Very well, tonight we’ll go ahead and move you into your new home, since you’ll be a permanent caretaker for Eri, you will need to live in the base.” Y/n simply nodded, “That’s fine with me.” Overhaul stood up, and threw on his coat. “It’s been a pleasure working with you, L/n. Chrono, take her home and help her get what she needs, I’ll have Mimic send the other precepts over to move her out.” “Yes sir.” With that, chrono left the café with Y/n. When they exited, Chrono took off his mask. He really hated wearing it, but it was kind of important. Due to his villain attire, no heroes or police knew what he looked like, so unlike some of the precepts, he could pretty much just waltz around a free man. “So, Mafia, huh?” Y/n teasingly pointed out. “Yeah…sorry about not being completely honest earlier, but I didn’t want to scare you off too quickly.” Y/n simply nodded. “It’s okay, although I doubt it would have, like I said, I’m kind of indifferent towards heroes and villains, so I at least would have heard you out first.” “Thanks…most people aren’t as understanding.” Y/n just hummed and kept walking with Chrono. “So, how did you get the name ‘Chronostasis’, does it have something to do with your quirk?” “Yeah, actually it’s the name of my quirk.” Y/n looked at Chrono with wide eyes, “What does your quirk do?” “Well, you see my hair?” He pointed to his head. “Yeah” “Okay, well you see how the ends are pointed like clock needles?” “Mhm.” “Well, I can control them, but I have to be completely still, and they’re really sharp. So, if I struck someone with the hour hand, they’ll be slowed down for an hour, If I strike someone with the minute hand, they’ll be slowed for a minute.” Y/n’s eyes widened in amazement. “Its not really that flashy…or that useful.” Chrono awkwardly looked away, hand rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. Y/n quickly shook her head. “Nuh-uh, not at all I think it’s really cool!” By the enthusiasm in her voice he knew she was being sincere. He softly SOFTLY smiled and shook his head. “You really think so?” “Yes!! They look really cool, and most people don’t have defenses against being slowed, so I think it’s super powerful!” “Thanks Y/n.” No one had ever told him they genuinely really liked his quirk. Most people just left it alone, or thought it was weird. But here was this bubbly, sweet daycare worker who was practically fangirling over it. “No problem, you shouldn’t put yourself down like that, especially when there’s nothing to put yourself down for…” Y/n averted her eyes to the ground, a soft smile still present on her lips. “Well, here we are. It’s not much, so it shouldn’t take too long.” Overhaul had already called the landlord and arranged for Y/n to be let out on the lease early. (Turns out Yakuza bosses have a bit of power over people.) Chrono and Y/n entered Y/n’s small apartment/house. Chrono looked around, for someone who’s so young, he could tell y/n put a lot of work into her house. “Okay, give me like, five minutes and I’ll get what I need.” Because Y/n only had the one room in the hassaikai, she packaged up all of her valuable collections. Pictures of family and friends, irreplaceable things and gifts, etc. She packed up her clothes and brought a small bag of essentials to get her through the night. “Okay, I’m ready to go!” With that the two left for the Hassaikai base, but not before Chrono called Nemoto to bring the car, since it was going to be a longer drive and it was pretty late. After they got back to the base, Chrono led her into the traditional looking house, got to a door and stopped. He punched in some code, and the door opened to a stair case. This is where the main part of our base is, its where all the stuff goes down. Oh, it’s also where the bedrooms are.” They made their way down the stairs and started walking down the hallway. “Don’t be intimidated by all the guys here, you’re probably going to be pretty popular for the first few weeks, other than Eri you’re the first female to be down her. Also, ignore the petty flirting, most of these guys can count on one hand the number of women they’ve ‘talked’ to, most probably on one finger” “Really?” “Uh-huh, as you can imagine we all stay pretty busy, so no one really has time to go out and meet anybody new, let alone date.” Y/n nodded her head, she knew what that was like. Working at the day care and helping her aunt out once in a while kept her pretty busy. She had dated in the past, but none of her relationships lasted. In fact she hadn’t even attempted any relationships after him. Him being her ex, who she dated through high school, and even for some time after before she caught him cheating on her with her best friend. Chrono then walked her to a door and stopped, well this is it. It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.” He pushed the door open and Y/n followed him inside, he then helped Y/n unpack the few things she brought with her. “Alright, hopefully that’s good enough till tomorrow, the rest of your stuff should be here by then.” “This’ll be just fine, thank you for your help…for everything really.” She smiled at him, and he gave a half smile back. “No problem, We appreciate you coming to help…I appreciate you coming to help.” There was a silence between them, although they didn’t know what kind of silence, it wasn’t an awkward silence, more like there was something there…but neither one knew what it was. “Well, anyways, I’ll get out of your hair. The bathroom is that door right there, and the living room and kitchen are just down the hall. If you need anything just text me, you’re probably going to get lost at least once, it’s pretty much a maze down here. Uhm, yeah. Oh and you’ll meet Eri again tomorrow. Her room and my room aren’t that far from here.” “Okay, I will. Thanks again Kurono. Goodnight.” “Goodnight Y/n.” An with that, the young second hand made his way out of her room and towards Eri’s room to put her to bed, seeing as it was about 8:30 pm and he didn’t want her to be cranky when she met Y/n again tomorrow. *Knock Knock* “Eri? Can I come in? It’s daddy.” The door quickly opened and Eri tackled Chrono in a hug. Eri then led him inside and sat on her bed. “Alright kiddo, it’s time for bed. Tomorrow your going to spend the day with someone new.” Eri’s ears seemed to perk up at the mention of someone new since not many new people come around here. As Chrono was getting Eri ready for bed, he started to explain the new circumstances to her as best he could. “Do you remember the nice lady that helped you today at the park?” Eri nodded her head. “Well, she’s going to be your new caretaker.” He realized he definitely should have worded it differently when he stared back at him with big wide scared eyes. “ W-what do you mean daddy? A-are you g-going to leave me?” It then clicked that it sounded like he was being replaced! “No! No sorry Eri! I’m not going anywhere I promise!” He held her in a bone crushing hug before leading her to the bed and tucking her in, looking for a book to read before she went to sleep. “She’s just gonna help me take care of you is all. Not replace me.” “Oh.” Eri seemed to understand. “So she’s gonna be my new Mommy then?” If chrono had been drinking water he was 1,000% sure he would’ve choked. “U-um yes and no? For now, let’s just call her Ms. Y/n, okay?” He could hear the fear in his voice of her asking any more difficult questions. “But why is she here? I thought you took care of me?” “I do pumpkin, but especially because you’re a girl, you should have a girl influence to look up to.” “Because I’m a girl? But why?” Shoot. He thought he could avoid THIS topic for at least 6 more years. What is he supposed to tell her? Yeah, in about 6 years give or take your body is going to turn on you and try to kill you once a month? Not exactly something you tell a 6 year old. “H-how about we talk about it tomorrow pumpkin” If the squeakiness of his voice didn’t give him away, his red face sure did. “Daddy? Is something wrong? You’re being weird.” Chrono just shook his head and tried to compose himself. “Yeah, daddy’s just being weird. Hey! How about we read that book now.” “Okay.” Chrono then read her the book and tucked her in to sleep. Making his way to his bedroom and collapsing on his bed, tired from the events of the day.

[lunar-jimin]

i am my mother’s child, i’ll love you til my breathing stops                                     i’ll love you til you call the cops on me

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: smut, tiny little glimpse of fluff, a lot of angst, stalker!reader, ex!namjoon

Word Count: 6.6k

Warnings: penetrative sex, softdom!namjoon (kinda), sub!reader (also kinda), quickie in a bathroom, lots of feelings, generally sad ones, this is fairly depressing, reader is stalker, so there’s that, also she has drunk sex with a stranger, but she propositions him so

Summary: It was your obsession with your job that drove him away. It’s your obsession with him that drives you.

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The world outside your window was dyed in the murky blue of four in the morning. You didn’t notice. Your eyes were glued to the glaring screen in front of you, begging for your undivided attention. Instead of working like you should be, you’re creeping through your ex’s Instagram page, desperate to know every minute detail of his life after you. The couple staring back at you from the screen made your stomach twist itself into knots. You had known he would move on, find someone to love him better than you could, but you never thought this would happen in a million years.

Engaged? Really? They had only been dating for a year, only a year and a half since he had left you, but sure enough, the giant diamond on her ring finger spoke for itself. Jealousy tore through you. You knew you didn’t deserve his affection, but that hadn't stopped you from holding on to the small glimmer of hope that one day you would find a way to be together again.

Despite it all, you had long ago admitted to yourself that she was a much better match for him. Your mutual friends would often regale you with their complaints of how clingy they were, how much they loved each other. The pictures of them that filled your feed testified to this. She made sure the world knew how much she loved him. A twinge of regret sparked in you when you thought of your own Instagram page, bare of any images of the two of you. You were never one for shoving your relationship into other people’s faces.

Your eyes flicked from the post to the clock in the corner of your screen and you groaned inside at the prospect of getting only two hours of sleep. Turning back to your computer, you noticed the tired burn in your eyes and the lethargy that spread throughout your limbs. With the last bit of energy you could muster, you drug yourself out of your way-too-comfy computer chair and into your welcoming bed. You fell asleep before you made it under the covers, still in your jeans.

The next thing you knew, your alarm was blaring out some loud pop song you had picked a long time ago and never bothered to change, uncouthly interrupting your precious slumber. Sitting you, you already began to feel the consequences of too little sleep: today was going to be a long one. You silently swore to yourself that you were going to fix your sleep schedule, before managing to drag yourself out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom. The warm water from your shower did little to wake you up, but it did sooth your tense muscles. A half an hour later, you were at the bus stop, apple in hand, trying valiantly to keep your eyes open.

Your morning passed quietly. Somehow words appeared on your screen, despite the fact that you didn’t recall typing them. You had never been more grateful for your lunch break in all your life. You wearily made the slow trek to the cafe three blocks down from your office. All you could think of was the toasty panini and cup of coffee calling your name. The apple you had gulped down for breakfast wasn’t doing much for you anymore.

The cafe cheerily greeted you with the smell of espresso and a warmth that comforted your bones. You had been coming here since you began your career as a journalist for the newspaper. You swore they made the best sandwiches in this hemisphere, and the shy barista, Jungkook, never failed to make you smile with one of his cheeky stories from college.

You quickly ordered before taking your usual spot by the window. You had only been sitting for three minutes when your day went from bad to terrible. You blinked twice when you saw him. You were sure it was an illusion, your lack of sleep finally taking its toll on your mental health. You close your eyes and count to ten, praying that he would be gone when you opened them again.

There was now way it was coincidence that he was here. There was no way that he could possibly have come to the same cafe you had been a patron at for five years by accident. There was no way.

You froze in place. You internally debated if you should get his attention. A large part of you wanted to leave before he saw you, have Jungkook sneak you out the back, but a small part of you wanted to run to him, take him in your arms, and promise to love him right. Instead, you sat there like a deer in headlights, letting fate take its course.

You hated that he looked better than the last days of your relationship. He had found his style again and he had cut his hair. He looked healthier, and you knew from your midnight ventures on his Instagram account that he had started to workout. You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew deep down that the toxicity of your relationship had been detrimental to his well-being.

The guilt was eating you up, when he turned to look at you. If you were frozen before, you were solid ice now: muscles locked up, eyes open wide. You gulped slowly, praying to whatever god was out there to make you invisible. Unfortunately, the gods weren’t having it today, and he gave you a quick wave and a smile before turning back to the menu.

You prayed that would be the entirety of your interaction, but five minutes you looked up from the phone you were taking refuge in, to find him walking towards your table.

"Do you mind if I sit down?"

His voice was deeper than you recalled

"Uh, yeah, sure."

You looked out the window in a desperate attempt to avoid conversation and eye-contact.

"How are you?"

You managed to look up at him.

"I'm fine."

You hoped that he wouldn’t see through the lie. You hoped he wouldn’t see the dark circles under your eyes and realize you still weren’t getting enough. You hoped he wouldn’t see the stain on your shirt and realize that you still couldn’t find the time to do basic chores. You hoped that somehow, he wouldn’t realize that you were just as addicted to work as when he left you. That you were still failing at being a person.

"That's good."

You gave a small smile.

"How 'bout you?"

"Pretty good."

He grinned. You guessed he was thinking about his engagement but was hesitant to bring it up in your presence.

"Good."

You took a sip of your coffee and looked out the window again, uncomfortable down to the soles of your feet.

"I, uh, have some big news that, uh, I wanted to share with you."

Maybe not so hesitant, and not here by accident. You raised an eyebrow.

"I'm, uh, engaged."

The sheepishness that poured over his face was almost adorable.

"Oh."

You were silent for a moment.

"Congrats then."

Behind his eyes, there was a glimmer of disappointment, as if some suppressed sadistic part of him wanted you to be hurt. You were glad that you came off as unbothered, even though your heart ached every time you thought of that stupid engagement post.

"I love her."

He was desperate. You were surprised. Namjoon was never petty, yet here he was trying to make you jealous. Had you really hurt him so badly?

"I would hope so."

You looked back out the window.

"She's really amazing. She cooks for me and goes on trips and she’s even going to quit her job to take care of our kids."

It would have hurt, if the chauvinistic ideals behind it hadn’t made you roll your eyes. But the point was still there: she was actively loving him, taking care of him, showing him that she wanted a future with him. That stung.

"Okay."

He looked at the window, resigning to the fact that he wasn't going to get a rise out of you. He should've known. You had never been very expressive of your emotions.

"I would have married you."

That made you flinch. A spark of delight ignited in his eye. Asshole.

"Okay."

"I loved you."

"I know."

"Did you love me?"

"I don't know."

A lie. You had loved him to the moon and back. Hell, you still loved him. But you wanted to hurt him just a little bit for making you sit through this torture.

"Oh."

A blow to his ego. If he wanted to parry, he best have come prepared.

"Have a good day then."

"Okay."

With that he left, without even bothering to pick up his order.

Before you knew what you were doing, you followed him out the door. You weren’t sure what had come over you, but you knew you were no longer in control of your being. You followed him one block after another, making sure you were far enough behind him that he wouldn’t notice you. You weren’t sure what you were seeking. Closure perhaps.

Soon, you found yourself standing outside a familiar, red, brick building. During your relationship, Namjoon had moved in with you, but still rented his apartment. In the beginning, you had stayed the night a few times. The apartment was small, but the view was to die for. You missed it.

He was already inside, but you knew which window was his. You stared up at it for a couple minutes, before something snapped inside you and you realized what you were doing. You felt nauseous, but that was quickly forgotten when you noticed the time. Panic shot through you, as you began to run back to the office. You could only hope that your boss wouldn’t notice your extended lunch break.

At first, it was a rare occurrence. Ever so often you would find yourself standing in front of those red bricks staring up at that window. Nothing would ever happen. You would just stare, part of you hoping to catch a glimpse of him and another part of you dreading the idea of ever seeing him again.

As your addiction to your job continued to consume you, it became a more frequent occurrence. Once a month turned to twice and then to once a week. Your mental health slowly deteriorated, until you were at risk of losing it completely. Somewhere in that time, you managed to pull yourself enough to end up at a shitty dive bar in the heart of the city with the few friends you had managed to keep. You weren’t that close to them. You doubt they knew your middle name or your birthday, but they were company you didn’t get much of that these days.

The beginning of your evening was spent slowly downing alcohol and catching up about the dullness of each of your existences. You spat out lies, hiding the fact that all your life was anymore was work and stalking your ex. You put on a front. You had other friends. You had been on dates but nothing had worked out yet. You had started dieting and working out. Lies, lies, lies.

Somewhere around your third beer, the fragile illusion you had created for yourself, came crashing down. You were well aware that these girls were friends with Namjoon and that they had undoubtedly received an invitation to his wedding, but while they were relatively sober they had been kind enough not to remind you. Now, however, their blood-alcohol levels were through the roof and as a consequence, they began to discuss the details of the wedding.

At some point, someone asked you what you were going to wear to the event. You stared at her dumbly before she realized what a stupid question it was and turned back to whoever she was talking to. You hadn't received an invitation to the wedding but a small part of you was glad.  You didn’t really want the reminder, and you wouldn’t go anyway, you weren't that masochistic.

Okay, so that wasn’t entirely true. There was a part of you that did want to go. A part of you that daydreamed of standing up in front of the entire church and begging him not to marry her. Begging him to come home with you. Begging him to love you again. But it was a stupid fantasy, and not one you should indulge in.

Lisa, the only person there who you really gave two shits about, turned to you and began to talk about your job again. When you let it slip that you had ran into Namjoon at lunch awhile ago, she looked like a little kid on Christmas. With her filter gone, she began to pester you with questions. Then she lit up.

“I have an idea.”

You internally groaned. Lisa was famous for her drunk ideas and none of them were ever good.

“You should come with me to the wedding as my plus one.”

Your eyes went wide.

“Lisa, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. You can get all dressed up and make him see what he’s missin’.”

It did sound tempting.

“Okay.”

You didn’t sound very sure, but Lisa was too drunk to care. She squealed before giving you a quick side hug and turning to talk to someone else. As the gravity of the situation hit you, you found yourself longing to forget everything. You threw back two shots of tequila before marching out onto the dance floor.

It didn't take long for some random stranger to come grind up on you, but you were too drunk and upset to care. In fact, feeling someone touch your body again was somewhat soothing. It didn't take long for your lips to find his and it didn't take much for you to convince him to come home with you.

You barely noticed saying goodbye to you friends as he dragged you out the door and into the back of an uber. You barely remembered anything else until you woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a strange man in your bed.

It was the first time you had really seen him, too inebriated the night before to really notice his features. You didn't want to admit how similar they were. It was the dimples that gave it away. Even drunk, you still seemed to have a type.

He was adorable, lying there, so unaware of the rest of the world. It reminded you of your first date with Namjoon. While he began the night full of energy, he ended it passed out with his head in your lap.

5 Years Ago

You met him through mutual friends. He asked you out at a party and you still remember the red tinge on his cheeks to this day. You had developed a crush and you were delighted to oblige him.

Namjoon was a very simple man, and you didn't expect much more out of your date. Just dinner and a movie. However, he obviously wanted to impress you when he drove out of the city and to a beautiful flower field overlooking it. Halfway into your picnic dinner, he sheepishly confessed to having no cooking skills and that his best friend Jin had prepared your dinner. But that didn't matter, because for what Namjoon lacked in the culinary arts, he made up for with his mind. Namjoon blew you away with the shear capacity of his brain. He was obviously a nervous talker, and so you sat in awe as he spilt facts about whatever subject you were talking about.

"How do you know so much?"

"I don't know that much."

You gave him a look.

He sighed.

"I don't know, I just do. I consume information and I never really forget it. Most people find it annoying. At least that's what Jin tells me."

"It's adorable."

You both blushed.

"Thanks."

He looked sheepishly at his lap.

"So are you."

"What?"

You looked up at him confused.

"You're adorable too."

You're cheeks blazed scarlet.

When you mustered the courage to look at him, he was staring at your lips. His eyes quickly flitted back to yours when he noticed you looking at him. He coughed uncomfortably.

You weren't sure what came over you, but you found yourself tentatively placing your hand on his thigh. You looked at him nervously, while trying to muster the confidence to close the gap between you.

Luckily, you didn't need to. One second you were staring at his lips, the next they were on yours. You were happy to find that they were just as soft and plush as they looked. He moved rhythmically, and you prayed to god that you were as good of a kisser as he was.

Then the rain started. It was just a drizzle at first, but by the time you had packed up the picnic, it had begun to pour. You dashed to the car, soaked to the bone. When Namjoon pulled up to your apartment building, you invited him in to dry off. While his clothes were in the dryer, you started a movie, some cheesy rom-com. You weren't even thirty minutes in, when Namjoon fell asleep in your lap while you played with his hair.

The memory faded and instead of Namjoon, you found the mystery man whose name you didn't know. You woke him gently, offered him some coffee- which he declined- before sending him on his way. You weren't trying to be rude, but the longer you looked at him, the longer you were reminded of Joon, and you only had a limited capacity for heartache.

This time you didn't even bother to change out of sweats and a t-shirt. You must have looked like a mess as you rode the bus to the red-brick building. You were smart enough to bring a coffee and a book so that you had something to occupy yourself, as you sat on the bench across the street. You didn’t even look at the window anymore, just being this close to him was enough to satisfy your weird urge.

You had been sitting for an hour before he appeared. He didn't even glance your way. Your nerves twittered, praying that he wouldn’t see you. You quickly stored your book and coffee in your tote, before following him down the streets.

He led you downtown. You were always jealous of how close his apartment was to the hub of the city. The cars whizzed by you as you followed him down a boulevard of shops. Your heart stopped as you watched him walk into the jewelers. It made sense: he was getting married, rings were involved, but somehow this made it more real. He was investing thousands of dollars in this woman. He was investing his life.

The fact that it was the jewelers that you had visited back when you thought you were going to get married only made it worse. Your heart began to beat faster. Was he going to give her your ring?

3 Years Ago

"Which one do you like?"

You looked over the case carefully inspecting each ring for flaws. After five minutes, you pointed at a sapphire and diamond ring near the back. It was relatively simple, but that’s what drew you to it.

He smiled.

"Well, someday, when you're Mrs. Kim, that ring will be around your finger."

You grinned and lifted up to meet his lips.

"I love you."

"I love you more, Joonie."

"I seriously doubt that."

You giggled and followed him out the door for lunch.

As soon as he came out of the shop, you rushed in. You went straight for the case that you knew had held your precious band. It took you a minute to spot it, but when you did, you felt relief flood your body. It was still there, he wasn't forsaking you for her.

As the relief washed over you, you began to connect to reality again. You realized what you were doing. With it came the nausea. Coming back to reality was always painful. You hadn't deemed yourself a stalker yet, even know though you knew you should. The self-hatred followed you home, up the stairs and through your apartment door.

You didn't mean to follow him. Somehow, the part of you that still loved him (which was a larger part of you than you cared to admit), had gained the ability to control your actions, while the logical part of you sat in the backseat screaming. The shame continued to throb inside you as you curled up on your couch. You knew you needed to stop but you didn't know how.

You didn't and as the months passed you found yourself following him whenever you had spare time. You were careful, staying a good distance behind him. If he had noticed you, he didn't let you know. He seemed blissfully unaware. The worst part was that as you followed him, you began to realize he was truly happy: something you hadn't witnessed since the early days of your relationship.

At some point, you started bringing your camera along. You weren't sure how the pictures of him ended up on your camera roll, and then pinned to your bedroom wall. You would lay in bed at night, touching yourself with one hand, while another tightly grasped a photo of him.

In the morning, you would be so sick with yourself, you would vomit in the toilet. Three months passed like this before his dreaded wedding day arrived. The sane part of you didn't want to go, but the creepy, deviant part of you had more control, and thus you found yourself in front of the mirror in a simple sundress.

Lisa had attempted to convince you to wear a skimpy number in order to make Namjoon jealous, but you knew that Namjoon always found you sexier when you looked innocent. You had often teased him about it. So you settled for a simple floral piece and some kitten pumps.

When you walked into the venue you felt another twinge of jealousy at the grandeur. The church was old and gorgeous and you felt like a sinner just by existing in it. You sat in the back. Your nerves kept you calm enough to decide you didn't need Namjoon knowing about your presence just yet.

You blacked out for most of the ceremony. It was only when Lisa waved her hand in front of you that you realized that instead of witnessing the union of 'man and wife', you were busy daydreaming about said 'man' taking you in front of the whole church.

You stared out the window of Lisa's care wistfully as she drove to the reception. When you started to tear up, she pulled over in a park parking lot.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

You almost pulled it over, but the slight quiver in your voice gave you away.

"Sis, if you don't wanna go, we don't have too. We can just head to my apartment, order Chinese food, binge Netflix, and do facemasks."

It sounded so, so tempting, but you know you needed to make it through it. You needed to prove to the part of yourself that was going insane, that you didn't need him anymore.

You thought back to the day you came home from work to find his bags packed in the living room. You thought about the tears that streamed down your face as you tried, and failed, to convince him to stay, that you loved him more than your job.

He cried too, pulling you into a hug, the last one you would ever have. You remember how his chest, which was usually so strong and comforting, trembled against yours. How you weren't sure if the wet warmth on your cheek was from him or from you.

You must have stood like that for thirty minutes, before he pulled away, gave you a last kiss, grabbed his bags and left. It wasn't until later that evening that you discovered his letter.

My Love,

I don't want to do this, but I am no longer happy. We are no longer happy. There isn't much left to us in all reality. I love you to the moon and back, but I can't spend the rest of my life waiting for you to come home from work. I know it's important to you and I would never ask you to leave it, but I have a life to live too.

You made me so happy for such a long time, but you are a writer in the dark. You stay up all night on your computer and leave me with a cold empty bed. When I wake in the morning, you're gone. I can't stay in a relationship that barely exists.

Someday, when you feel like you can put your job aside for a family, call me. I'll be here because I love you. I love you so much, it makes it hard to breathe. Be happy for me.

Love,

Namjoon

And so here you were, in a passenger seat on the way to his wedding reception. Just a girl with a broken heart and a broken promise. You needed to go. You needed to see him. Confront him.

"Drive."

You sat through dinner, barely touching the food on your plate. You listened to your friends chatter away and make snarky comments through all the speeches. When the dancing started, you were hesitant to move, but Lisa dragged you to the edge of the dance floor and forced you to witness the first dance.

You spent most of it staring at the floor nursing a martini that was almost straight gin. You finally looked up at the end of the song, some cheesy pop shit you knew Namjoon loved, and locked eyes with him. His hand was delicately placed over her waste and you secretly wondered how many hours of practice it took for him to be able to dance to this song. The waltz was never his forte.

His stare never left you and as soon as the song was over, he whispered in her ear before walking straight at you. You drowned your drink quickly, praying the alcohol would be enough to get you through whatever was coming. He grabbed your arm without saying a word and dragged you out of the ballroom and into the nearest bathroom.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

His voice was harsh, but there was a touch of tenderness to it.

"Lisa made me come. I don't want to be here anymore than you want me."

"Bullshit!"

You raised an eyebrow at his retort, signaling that you knew he knew you were lying, but you weren't going to tell him the truth.

"I just can't deal with seeing you right now. Do you know what you being here is doing to me?"

You felt a spark of anger go off inside you. He had an issue with being here? That's swell and all, but he was the one who broke up with you. He was getting married, you being here should be nothing more than a footnote.

"I don't care, Namjoon, I don't care if you're hurt or not. I don't care if it's ruining your big day. You leaving ruined my life. I have spent the last year and a half dying because you're not in my bed when I wake up in the morning. And I know that I fucked up and that I needed to be there for you, but you left me without giving me the chance to change! You. Left. Me."

Somewhere in the middle of ranting, hot tears had begun to fall down your cheek and you were once again thankful that you had splurged on waterproof makeup.

"Don't act like such a victim. At least I know that the woman I'm marrying actually loves me."

His words fanned your little spark into a full blown flame and you raised your hand to slap him, but he grabbed your wrist before you could. You looked to his face expecting to see anger, but instead, his eyes showed a mixture of sadness and disappointment.

"I'm sorry." He said.

Next thing you knew, his lips were on yours, soft as you had remembered them. Shock ran through your body and you froze as he continued to kiss you slowly. When he realized you weren't responding, he pulled away, a faint blush apparent on his cheeks.

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, you found his lips again. You immediately felt his body relax against yours as his arm snaked around your waste to pull you closer. A bittersweet feeling floated through you as you relished in his taste again. You hadn't realized how much you missed kissing him, how comforting he was.

Somewhere deep inside you was yelling that this was an illusion. That at some point he would have to leave the bathroom and go back to his new wife who would love him and give him children and grow old with him.But you squashed the voice, desperate to live in the moment. Desperate to believe that just for this time, he was yours. That you were his new wife, that you were going to have beautiful children and that in sixty years, you would be two old people stupidly in love.

The kissing quickly became messy and desperate. You unabashedly moaned to his mouth and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue in his tongue. Your arms were wrapped around his neck in an attempt to keep him as close to you as possible, as if letting go would mean losing him forever.

He pulled away from you and looked you in the eyes.

"You always look so beautiful."

The comment was quiet and under his breath, but you heard him nonetheless, and warmth crept onto your cheek. Before you could respond, he picked you up and set you on the sink counter.

You welcomed him, as he stepped between your legs, returning his lips to yours. As his lips moved down your neck, his hand traced its way up your thigh, slowly moving your dress up your leg. You moaned as he began to trace circled in your inner thigh, feeling your underwear soaking through.

"Dear god, Joonie," you whine,"don't tease me."

The nickname slipped out without your awareness, but you noticed him pause subtly at the sound of it before returning to his ministrations. His lips returned to yours as he shifted your panties to the side and used his pointer finger to tease your clit.

You whined out at the sudden pleasure, legs tightening on his waist, trying to bring him closer. Trying to bring him home. When he slips a finger inside you, you throw your head back against the mirror. Your eyes squeeze shut, attention completely focused on the digit inside you.

Despite the time that had passed, he hadn't forgotten how to make you see white. With the exception of the man you had dragged back from the bar, you hadn’t been laid in forever, and as a result, you were incredibly sensitive. Right when he was about to tip you over the edge with no more than a finger, he pulled back, lust clouding his eyes, finger soaked.

"Are you gonna be a good girl for me?"

You whined at the old nickname, clenching your thighs together in a desperate attempt to relieve the ache between your thighs. Namjoon's hand drifted to the front of his slacks to massage the tent that had formed in them, while admiring your fucked out form slouched on the hotel bathroom sink.

"Answer my question baby."

A yes slips out of you and he grins like the devil.

"Look, at you, such a dirty girl, all fucked out in a public bathroom, desperate for me to fuck her."

Nothing had changed. He was still the tease who manipulated your body until you experienced cloud nine. And you were his good girl who obeyed every command, desperate to please.

You dipped your fingers into yourself in an attempt to stretch your pussy open for him, while he slowly dragged down his zipper, and pulled his cock out through the fly. Your memory served you well, but he still seemed bigger than you remembered. The tip was flushed red and dripping pre-cum. For a split second you were worried about him staining his slacks, before dashing your concern away to the depths of your consciousness.

You knew you should, but you felt no guilt for what you were about to do. As far as you were concerned, this was Namjoon’s mistake, not your’s. Sure, there was a beautiful bride dancing in the ballroom, and sure, she didn’t deserve this, but no matter what the certificate said, Namjoon would always be yours.

The realization hit you, as he kissed you again, moaning into your mouth as he rubbed the tip of his cock against you. There would always be a part of him that would belong to you. There would always be a part of his heart, no matter how small, that loved you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be here, now, about to fuck you in the small, but beautiful bathroom, at his own wedding reception.

The notion made you feel powerful. Your hand quickly replaced his, and you gave him a few quick strokes before lining him up. You both moaned as his tip pressed into you. When he was fully inside, you couldn’t help but feel complete. Months of emptiness completely forgotten as he slowly pulled out before thrusting back in.

“Fuck, baby, I forgot how tight you were.”

Tears pricked in your eyes as he began to pick up pace, moving faster and faster. Despite trying hard to pretend like this moment could last forever, you knew that she would notice him missing soon, and that this moment was doomed to end. You squeezed your eye’s shut, tried to focus on the feeling of him drilling in and out of you.

It didn’t take long for his pace to become unsteady. You opened your eyes to find him staring at your face. You couldn’t read the look on his face, but it carried a strangely familiar emotion. It wasn’t until he reached down to rub quick circles on your clit that you realized what it was: love The realization had you coming around his cock. You screamed silently, tears finally falling down your face. He was close behind, burying his head in your neck as he filled you up one last time.

“I love you.”

The words were quiet. They were words that weren’t meant to be said out loud. They were words that would haunt him for the rest of his life. But they were the truth, and the truth deserved to be spoken.

“I love you too. I always will.”

You looked him in the eyes, while he softened inside you. There was a silent acknowledgement between you. An acknowledgement that neither of you wanted to admit. That you would never be together. That it would never work. That he was married.

So, while remaining completely silent, he slipped out of you, tucked himself into his slacks, fixed his hair and left. You sat there for minutes, tears rolling down your cheek. Finally, you gained enough energy to pull yourself off the sink, shift your panties back into place and walk back out into the world.

You quickly went to your table, grabbed your purse, and said goodbye to Lisa. If she smelled the sex, she didn’t say anything. When you were at the door, you looked back for half a second. He was dancing with her, laughing at something she said. He looked happy, and you prayed to God that he was.

That night you sat down at your computer and began to write your grand, tragic love story.

__________________

seven years later

You laughed as you walked out into the chill autumn air. Hoseok had that effect on you. Always had. He had just treated you to a wonderful celebration dinner in honor of your first best selling book, a novel about a woman unable to let go of her former love.

As you were about to leave your daughter tugged on his hand informing Hoseok of her need to go to the bathroom. Your husband gave you a quick kiss, before taking the four year old back inside. You stood on the sidewalk, breathing in the air and admiring the city lights, reflecting on how you got there.

A month after Namjoon’s wedding, you met Hoseok in a coffee shop you were writing at. You had hit it off pretty quickly, and two years later you were married. Your daughter, Marie, followed soon after. A month ago, your novel was finally published for the world. And so here you were, celebrating with the family that you loved so much.

“Hi.”

You looked up, startled.

“Namjoon,” you breathed, “what are you doing here?”

“I was, uh, going for a walk.”

Your gazed washed over him, and you noted that he didn’t look too good. His hair was long and unkempt, dark circles under his eyes, and his usual impeccable sense of style was thrown away for some sweats and a hoodie.

“Are you okay?”

You couldn’t help the concern that painted your face.

“I’ve been better.”

He gave you a sad smile.

“Oh?”

“We’re going through a rough patch. I think she wants to get a divorce.”

“Oh.”

At one point, those words would've made your year, but that part of you had died a long time ago.

“Maybe we could go out for a cup of coff-”

His words stopped when he saw the diamond and sapphire ring on your finger.

“Oh.”

His face fell. It was then that Hoseok decided to grace the two of you with his presence. Namjoon quickly looked from you, to Hoseok, to your daughter, as he slowly began to put the picture together.  He looked pained. You knew the look, the look of loss.

“Who’s this?”

Hoseok’s voice was cheery and you were once again grateful for your husband’s consistant happiness.

“An old friend. You take Marie to the car, and I’ll catch up with you in a sec.”

He nodded, happy to oblige. When he was out of earshot, you turned back to Namjoon.

“You were supposed to call.”

You stared blankly at him.

“What?” you finally ask.

“You were supposed to call when you were ready to have a family.”

You looked at him in shock.

“Namjoon, you got married.”

“I know, but I would’ve left her for you.”

“You’re insane.”

“I’m not. I still love you. And you still love me. You promised me you would forever.”

“Well, it was a naive promise to make.”

He looked like he was about to cry.

“Look, Joon, go home. I know you loved your wife, and I’m willing to guess you still do. Relationships take work, you know that. You’ve alwayknown that. Show her that she means the world to you. Whatever’s going on, you can make it through it. Whatever part of you still loves me, kill it.”

He nods

“I have to go. But call me when you’re in a better spot, okay?”

You hand him a business card, before walking away into the night.

A month later, you get a text.

“We made it work. Coffee on Wednesday?”

You smiled.

series m.list       m.list

[snowstorm808]

More than Friends review eps 9-16

I previously posted my review of the first half of the series because I could not contain what I felt. It was quite impulsive of me but I wanted to let out everything I thought and felt for this drama. It is becoming better every time in such a way that I see the little creative ideas the writer or director is putting into each episode along with the development of the story. Familiar yet refreshing. I decided to create a new post because I saw that the first half recap was way too long if I would still add the remaining episode reviews because I just could not help it. I do understand that the length could be frustrating but I want my words to be read too, so thank you for everyone patient enough to read my words.

Episode 9 - Watching this episode made me realize a double standard I never really noticed before but I guess drama watchers would be able to relate to; the difference of pitiful and pathetic for female and male leads. I’m not yet certain if it’s deliberate but female characters locked in one sided love often seem pathetic but when it’s a male character they seem pitiful? Woo Yeon did seem pathetic in her one sided love in the earlier episodes so why does Soo get to be pitiful? It’s the same for the past dramas I’ve watched too. It’s just a food for thought. Based on last week’s preview, I really thought Joon Soo would punch Lee Soo after the drunk call but he held back so good job, Joon Soo. Honestly, I thought he wouldn’t be able to hold back because not only was he angry of the fact that Woo Yeon was getting swayed by Soo, but also because he knew how much it hurt, and hates the fact that she would still be hurt over the latter after a decade. This is why I keep wanting Joon Soo because he never thought selfishly when it came to Woo Yeon. I also love the fact that his character is being shown as someone seemingly perfect with a lot of flaws too. I love seeing his flaws and even relating to them! Being used to holding back is probably the reason why I write so much because I swear I can’t talk this much at all. I really hope he would stop holding back for his own sake. I think the most favorable Soo I have ever seen was him drunk calling his dad. I love the fact his parents went to his house to talk and console him. I also realized that Soo really closed himself up enough to have no one but his dad to drunk call. That was sad because the high school gang never really shunned him but he was the one who kept his heart closed. I half expected his folks to announce that hey would be back together because I feel that’s where those two are headed to eventually. As for Woo Yeon, I’m somehow glad she mustered up the courage to break up with Joon Soo after everything. As much as I was dreading it, I also felt that it was the right decision. She knew that it was too cruel to let him hurt quietly so I’m glad she had that decency; I could see that she was doing her best to be firm with her resolve. On her behalf, I get it why it’s difficult for her to let go of her feelings for Soo so I do not think she’s a weird one for that. I know that this is where my ship stops its sail but I’m satisfied that it’s not as I feared it would. The fight scene was reminiscent of Jealousy Incarnate, I just hope Dong Jun faked the punch because I know how athletic he has been from his Idol days which is enough for me to be scared for Seung Woo. Conveniently, it was only after this that Soo decides to take a break from pursuing Woo Yeon after ruining her chance to start anew with someone. Eventually, I know that Woo Yeon would not be able to defy the flow of her feelings towards Soo but I hope he can also grow up more because right now, I can still see him being selfish and self centered in his approach.

Episode 10 - How can one episode contain so much emotions? And it was all types of emotions at that! I mean one moment it’s awkward, cute, upsetting, lovely, funny then sad and even more! This episode was a roller coaster of emotions in my opinion. First thing’s first, the younger guy Jinju dated is a total loser and a scumbag. Good thing Sang-hyeok was there to the rescue. I feel so bad for Young-hee because every time she takes a step forward, she’s always dragged two steps back. She has a strong personality but it does not mean her situation does not wear her down too. So here comes the roller coaster because Lee Soo and On Joon Soo drinking together and ending up at Woo Yeon’s place is super cute. That includes her parents’ “interview” with the two men while they try to show off their “qualities”. I literally said “boom” when Joon Soo “let slipped” that Soo was the jerk Woo Yeon’s parents have been hunting for. That was really petty but I guess it’s his little revenge on Soo for interrupting their relationship when he used to date Woo Yeon. I am not going to lie about not loving the misunderstanding Soo had when he saw them together in the restaurant while he was with his parents. He tends to act so victimized which I really dislike then he readily blows up at Woo Yeon. But then again, it makes these characters more human then the usual kdrama characters I watched in the past. Lee Soo should really learn to express things more clearly so Woo Yeon would stop thinking that he’s simply bored or fooling around. As for Joon Soo, it’s a lost battle and I feel bad for him because he has become a masochist which is why I need to take care of him. I need Woo Yeon’s cooperation for this...

Episode 11 - Soo is finally given the chance he keeps on missing. As much as I am sad for my ship, I’m happy Woo Yeon and Soo are coming around although it isn’t the full circle yet. I do feel really bad for Joon Soo but it has always been clear how strong Woo Yeon’s feelings have been for Soo. I like how she at long last clearly stated that she will always give Soo the chance whatever he does because it has been evidently true for the past episodes. I guess that’s enough proof that feelings can’t be controlled easily. My favorite part in this episode would be her giving Soo an ultimatum because I always had a feeling he thought of her as a port always there for him. My second favorite in this episode would be Sang Hyuk and Jinju! He’s so sweet and caring which is exactly what she needs. Will they be my favorite couple? Hehe. I just want to take a bit of time to swoon over Joon Soo because he cares a lot for Woo Yeon though it isn’t returned, I appreciate him wishing her well. I can’t help but wonder if there will be another drama between Woo Yeon and Soo, because if he hurts her one more time then I would prefer her to be alone (I’ll be taking Joon Soo.)

Episode 12 - I never thought Soo and Woo Yeon together would be this mushy haha. They are making up for the lost time and I like seeing them happy and somewhat letting go of the inhibitions they had. And for the first time, I think I want to scold the writer for adding a character like Yura because seriously, those two no longer need another person to interrupt them. I suppose it’s to make up for the remining episodes? But then it could be expound on things like commitment issues for Woo Yeon and Soo, and taking the next step for their relationship. I do secretly hope for Joon Soo to make a comeback but not necessarily in a romantic light. Obviously, Soo is the one being careful now when it comes to dealing with Woo Yeon. I like seeing him nervous of losing her because it keeps him on his toes though I hope he would be more direct about it instead of acting cool so she won’t misunderstand anymore. I remember him saying he dated around too but Woo Yeon seems more like the one used to dating. I guess he never really thought of the other party when dating. I can sort of imagine his ex-girlfriends putting more effort than him.

Episode 13 - Lol, Soo should’ve been more sensitive when Woo Yeon insisted on going home by herself. I find it so cute when she defended Soo from her parents, she was so cheeky to point out her dad’s faults. After everything they have been through I hope they can do well from now on but something tells me otherwise. At least Woo Yeon finally said the magic words Soo has been so anxious to hear. It seems she was too nervous and being careful to say it though I had the initial impression that she must’ve had a stigma of some sort to those three words. I somehow feel nervous about Soo’s job offer from the airline because it might lead to a fight or even a break up. Speaking of a break up, I’m sad Hyun-jae and Young-hee had to part ways though it was one-sided. I do get the pov of his family but I can’t relate to the pressure of marriage. By the way, am I the only one who thinks Kwon Yura’s character is waste? I mean I don’t see much purpose for her character because she does not threaten the main lead’s relationship other than making Woo Yeon want to doll up herself. I must say one of my favorite scenes in this episode is when Woo Yeon went to the salon and told the staff she’s meeting with her boyfriend’s woman. I love how the customers and salon staff reacted even calling in their boss to style her. Was it a parody? I’m not sure because I have sworn to lay my hands and eyes off all dramas that deal with a husband’s mistress. Nevertheless, it was super witty and I had a lot of fun watching that scene including the one where she deliberately posed further behind Yura to make her face look smaller. Lastly, Sang-hyeok and Jinju are finally together! They look so cute together and make the perfect couple. In fact, all three couples seem to be perfect for each other because they complement each others’ personalities well. 

Episode 14 - This must be the episode where everyone breaks up or gets rejected. But before that, I can’t get over the expression Woo Yeon’s mom wore when she said to pack up contraception for her trip with Soo. One minute they were having a lovely mother-daughter moment then she suddenly brings that up. As much as most people would find it awkward, I think it was so funnily straightforward. Her mom cares which suddenly reminds me of the reaction of Young-hee’s mom when she found tons of condoms in her drawer. Another reaction I really enjoyed was when Woo Yeon and Soo found out Jinju and Sang-hyeok are dating! The way she splashed water out of shock really showed how it was the farthest thing in her mind. From the time Soo’s work offer came, it already seemed ominous along with Woo Yeon’s offer so I was not surprised with the break up. Maybe it was for the better; I have been mulling over Woo Yeon’s reasoning that she might end up hating Soo if they stayed together. The loneliness was eating her up which I believe is realistic in a long distance relationship like theirs. Soo shouldn’t have readily agreed regardless if he was thinking of her or not. Considering these two pursued their careers, I think this would leave less regrets in their hearts because they were able to fulfill the dreams they had. Their feelings for each other will always be there because they are Soo and Woo Yeon. I just need to wait how they will get back to each other.

Episode 15 - While watching this episode, I couldn’t stop thinking that this is the episode I finally see Lee Soo as someone heartbroken and not self centered, also, am I the only one who thinks his hair styled up is way better than his hair down? At last, I got to see Soo’s feelings of longing for Woo Yeon instead of his attitude of forcing his feelings like earlier into the series. I think it’s his maturity plus his sincerity in wanting her back because he now knows how it is to lose her. Their break up might just seem like another ploy by the writer to extend the series but I also think it was helpful to both Woo Yeon and Soo. In the first place, they decided to be apart so their careers could flourish which made them busy and drift apart. It also brought to light the insecurities they had especially Woo Yeon who had been so used to be the only one who in love. I think her fears of having the person she loved and wanted the most surfaced which keeps her from returning to him even if he’s practically begging her back. I just hope Soo would’ve made efforts to contact Woo Yeon or get her back after that break up call just as he was when he was courting her instead of stepping back. I guess it was partly a good thing because they were able to achieve certain things for their careers during that time too. Meanwhile Young-hee’s mom’s death was inevitable but at least they got to resolve the hard feelings and she was able to convey her love for her children. I think among the deaths I’ve seen in kdramas, this is the most touching for me. I must really be getting old to be sentimental like this. I also felt envious of the leads’ friendship. This episode showcased it the most especially how they supported Young-hee through the most difficult time in her life. I also love how they quietly support the complicated relationship of Soo and Woo Yeon. They have never attempted to kill him so yup they are good people.

Episode 16 - Loose strings are tied up in a pretty bow as the friends gear up for each of their happy endings. Joon Soo decides to let go of his feelings for Woo Yeon (he’s finally free to walk towards me! Yay!) I really like their hug because it sums up the affections and friendship they had. Good thing Soo wasn’t there to tear them apart. I also like that Soo is still a bit jealous of Joon Soo because whenever I remember how arrogant he was about stealing Woo Yeon away, I still want to punch him. His mom’s pushing aka guilting Woo Yeon was indeed effective, heh. Seriously though, it seems to me that his mom did it because she did not want him to end up like his parents and perhaps it was her way of making up for their negligence and mistreatment of him. I love the fact that Soo and Woo Yeon continued to fight and make up even after getting back together, it was very much in their character. It’s also nice that Soo’s parents decided to give their relationship another shot. It makes me think that they too learned from their son. Jinju’s and Sang-hyeok’s wedding pictorial was super lovely, it was very smart of them to trick Soo into it haha. Young-hee and Hyun-jae are finally back together too! Thank goodness, they’re getting married instead of returning to dating. As much as I cringed with their cheesiness, it was very much welcome and cute to watch. All six of them had their own cringey and cheesy way of saying and doing things. I think this drama has one of the most satisfactory endings ever, now, if only On Joon Soo can find his way to me...

More than Friends has met the amount of romance and tension that I always look for yet refreshing and not too cliché. I love the little details and the way it explored different types and stages of relationships including of different age groups. I hope other viewers would also get to see how the writer tried to portray these in the drama. Watching the ending made me realize the drama’s title was probably referred to these couples because they started as friends and became more than just that. Honestly, their situation is quite idealistic but I think it’s so cute if it does happen in real life. I’m happy I watched this even if it was mainly for Kim Dong Jun. Literally before watching this, I watched Moment of Eighteen then even prior to that, I watched Meow, The Secret Boy. MoE was sad because Junwoo had to put off his dreams and relationship to help out his mom. I initially wanted to skip or wait till later to watch it but ended up being hooked to it. Hehe.

One of the things I find fascinating in this drama is the casting! Shin Ye Eun’s step mom in MTSB became her actual mom while her dad became Lee Soo’s dad this time. There lots of familiar faces which made me like the drama even more. 

[doof-doofblog]

"So Are You!"

Tuesday 5th January 2021

Hello again everyone! Well, we're back in lockdown, I hope you're all keeping safe and looking after yourselves. This has got to come to end at some point right? Considering that the UK has been put into another lockdown, for those of you who are wondering, EastEnders have confirmed that they will still be carry on filming with plenty more social distancing policies in place. I'm very pleased to hear this news, I felt it was hard when EastEnders had to go off air, I was so thrilled when it returned to our screens. Also it doesn't even phase me that the episodes only last 20 minutes, I know it might be annoying some of you guys, but it doesn't matter how long an episode lasts, we're still getting our daily Easties fix!

Now about last night's episode, there's quite a bit to cover, there were quite a few moments I got completely confused, but by the end it all made sense! I'll explain more of that a little later, but first lets focus on Kush and the Slater family. Poor Stacey is completely beside herself, fearing the worst that Kush has kidnapped her son and taken him to Dubai! Kush is still in hope that Whitney will help with the funds he needs to get away, only when she turns up empty handed and refusing to help with his plan, he can see his chances to get away have slumped! Whitney tells him some pretty hard hitting truths, regardless whether he thinks he's doing the right thing for Arthur, Whitney tells him that his actions could force Arthur to hate him, taking him away from his Mum and family, this fact seems to really play on Kush's mind. Back on the Square Stacey and Martin are contemplating calling the police, stating the fact that Kush hasn't left them any choice, only just before they're able to dial, a taxi pulls up and little Arthur is seen getting out. Stacey is overcome with relief as she rushes to her little boy and scoops him up in her arms. Kat really isn't best impressed as she approaches her boyfriend and gives him a huge slap around the face! Regardless of emotions being so high, Ruby is there with a really smug looking face watching everything unfold in front of her! Once inside, Kat lays into Kush about his actions, it's quite hard really because I feel for them both, even though Kush did have it coming! I feel, if Kush hadn't started his gambling addiction, he wouldn't be in this awful mess. Kat mentions how she felt safe with him after being lied to so many times by Alfie. It's clear to see she is in deep distress after being lied to again and again, after being betrayed by someone she truly loved and trusted. Even though Kush is apologetic and trying to persuade her that he'll change, she can't seem to find a way back from this announces their relationship is over. What do you think? Will they be able to work it out? Do you like Kat and Kush together?! Later on, when Ruby is at home, Kush knocks on her door and bursts his way in, blaming her for putting the idea in his head an even more so of giving him the money to flee, in an attempt to blackmail her, he announces that he'll be moving in with her and Martin, seeing as he has no where to go, and if Ruby declines, he'll inform Martin about her giving him the money to take Arthur away, from the look of Ruby's face - she simply has no choice but to let him stay!

--

The second thing I want to focus on, is Sharon! It looks as if she is still wanting to carry on with her plan and poison Ian. After Phil eventually agreed on helping her take down Ian, she visits him hoping to receive more pills to poison him with, but when he gives her such a small amount, she's not impressed. She informs him that it's not enough and that she needs more, but Phil warns her they need to take it slowly, make it look real, and not give him too many in one go. She seems disappointed but leaves with with pills nonetheless. Back at the Vic, she's prepping the pills and adding them to Ian's coffee, only Linda seems to interrupt her and takes her by surprise. Linda appears with little Ollie as she comes to visit her friend and comes to seek some advice after getting things back on track with Mick, as they begin their catch up, Linda encourages Ollie to go and play with Albie. Later on and Sharon seems to forget what she was previously doing, and enjoys her chat with Linda, little Ollie comes walks in - I'm assuming he's wanting a drink - as he walks straight up to counter and goes to grab the mug left on the side, the mug which contains Ian's poisoned coffee! Luckily, Sharon notices the little boy's actions before any harm can be done, but because she shouted at him so loudly, she scares the poor boy. Linda seems surprised by actions but she thinks quick and explains that she didn't want Ollie having so much caffeine. Linda seems to shake her friends behaviour off, but it looks as if Sharon can't afford to lose her focus, otherwise an innocent party could be badly hurt.

--

Lastly, the main focus of this episode was Callum and Jack! Previously, Jack had agreed to help Callum out, regarding DI Thompson. Callum feared that if Thompson was going to reveal everything, he'd lose Ben and his place in the Mitchell family for good. The only person he could turn to and actually trust to help him, was Jack. In this episode, Callum informs Jack that a meeting has been arranged with DI Thompson at Ruby's club, at first it all looks like they have a plan in motion to maybe blackmail Thompson, bullying Callum into doing things he shouldn't be doing etc etc. Callum waits nervously, DI Thompson enters and Callum begins to mention that he has something solid on Phil that he'll be interested in - of course it's just an excuse to keep him there until Jack shows up, however Callum begins to panic and struggles under pressure as Jack fails to turn up. My first thought was - where the hell was Jack? Unfortunately, I don't think that question gets answered. Thompson is clearly getting fed up of Callum and his excuses and makes his exit, leaving Callum in a panic. As he attempts to follow, Jack finally turns up, much to Callum's relief. Jack informs Callum to leave as he'll take it from here - it's then that Jack confronts Thompson with what he's been up to the past couple of months and forcing a junior police officer to do things he shouldn't be doing. To save him getting in any trouble, he urges DI Thompson to take early retirement and leave Phil to him. At this moment, I slightly panicked - it had me questioning as to who's side Jack was actually on?! I was so confused - one minute he was helping Callum, the next, helping Thompson! - WHAT?!

But then Jack found Callum and informed him that everything had been sorted, there was no more reason for him to worry and he could tell the Mitchell's everything. Being the supportive colleague, Jack accompanies Callum to the Mitchell's as they reveal everything about DI Thompson's plan. At first both Ben and Phil are furious to hear that Callum was involved, but they both make them see that everything he did was to protect the Mitchell's, putting his career on the line for them! Ben seems to realise how much Callum has gone through to protect him and proposes going to the pub for a drink. However, as Ben and Callum leave, Phil can't seem to understand why Jack would get involved, he senses that something isn't right and he's after something - it's then that Jack reveals to Phil that Thompson has given him a memory stick containing everything that Phil has done in the past up till present day of his dodgy and petty crimes. Phil sees that Jack will want something from him in return if he wants all this to disappear, but what?!

Meanwhile at the pub, Callum is confessing everything to Ben. Informing him that he just wants to be honest with his boyfriend and most importantly, he'd do anything to protect him - even if it means putting his career on the line! Ben is completely overwhelmed by his boyfriend's actions. It's then that Jay walks in and Callum offers to buy the next round of drinks. As he steps up to the bar, Ben looks lovingly at his boyfriend, to which Jay notices, asking what the look was for, Ben innocently smiles and states clear as day "I'm going to marry that man, Jay!" ......... Oooooh I'm sure you Ballum fans will be going crazy after that line!!! Is this a slight hint that there could be a Ballum wedding on the cards? Here's an interesting question - who would you like to see pop the question? Ben to Callum? or Callum to Ben? - Personally I think if Ben was to pop the question to Callum, it would fit so perfectly!!

--

The final clip we see is Denise walking through the Square, however unbeknown to her, Lucas is following her from a distance! Can I just say how bloody creepy that was? Clearly Lucas is still has it in for his ex, but why?! Denise really needs to keep on her guard! As she reaches her house, suddenly Jack appears with a huge bouquet of flowers, and admits to Denise that he wants to give them both another try. Even though Denise is touched by his romantic gesture, she questions whether he's accepting of having Phil in her life, literally because of Raymond - it's then that things are made clear. Jack informs her that she doesn't have to worry about Phil as he has sorted it - which basically means that they've made some kind of deal, Jack won't dob him into the police as long as Phil stays away from Denise and Raymond ... That's got to be it, right? Even though Phil may have agreed to this arrangement, I do fear he may find it hard, knowing full well that his son is just on the other side of the Square. Then again, I suppose he could take comfort in knowing that his son is close to home. Who knows? As Jack and Denise close in for a kiss and rekindle their romance, Lucas watches with dark eyes from a distance!! He is so creepy, I am so glad that EastEnders have brought him back, it's going to be so interesting to see what brings Lucas back, Denise had best watch her back!

Overall a great episode, enjoyable and again so much drama! Thank you again for reading, I truly appreciate your time. Please feel free to leave me any messages or comments, I'll always find the time to reply! Thanks again folks! Love you all xXx

[benkouji726]

Five times Alex surprised Forrest and one time he didn’t

Chapter 2! It’s even longer than chapter 1, I must have lost my mind.

A little warning: this Chapter is Guerin heavy, and not exactly Guerin friendly. Sorry in advance.

----------------------------------------

2.

They didn’t talk about Guerin.

To be fair, it was not like Alex purposely had avoided talking about him, just, there had been no good chance to. When they were together, out on a date or stayed in, they had so much to talk about: their shared passion for emotional artistic outlets, either music or poetry, their combat days, and how they both didn’t agree with the concept of war but had no choice but to fight, their different PTSD-symptoms, their true selves, just to name a few. They also had silly and meaningless conversations, like who their favorite slayer was, or how they cried over the new episode of Queer Eye. There was never a dull moment in their three months long relationship, and at no point would Forrest willingly talk about Alex’s ex. He didn’t even know if Guerin WAS Alex’s ex or not, from what he’d gathered from Alex’s friends, they’d not been dating to begin with.

Which brought him to the second scenario where Guerin might have been a topic between them, if he had ever shown to the friend group thingy (still didn’t how to call it) whenever he was around. He knew Guerin would be there, as long as Forrest couldn’t make it. And when they accidentally bumped in each other, whether with or without Alex’s presence, Guerin would always politely nod, mumble something like “howdy”, and turned away. He steered away from open mic nights completely.

So it was not like Forrest could abruptly turn to Alex, when they were in the middle of discussing what they would do after Friday’s dinner date, and said casually, “hey you know Michael Guerin? The one you apparently have been in love with for at least a decade, who, judged by the looks he throws your way when he thinks you are not looking, is also in love with you. Who you wrote an epic love song for and SANG it in front of your family, your colleagues, the whole town, and ME? How is the love between you two doing? Still going strong?”

No, that was not going to happen. Besides, he was kind of afraid what the answer would be. So he asked an easier question.

“Why don’t we just go back to your house, so we can netflix and chill?”

Alex smiled fondly, “We ‘netflix and chill’ed the last Friday. Don’t you want to do something more fun?”

“How dare you to assume any time we spend together is anything but fun, you wounded me, Manes.”

“Oh my God”, Alex laughed, “I thought you were done with the cheeky lines.”

Forrest smirked. “For you? Never.”

Alex shook his head, but he also turned a little pink in his ears, which gave Forrest enough courage to say the next bit.

“And after we ‘chilled’”, he winked, Alex rolled his eyes, “I thought maybe I could spend the night?”

And there it was, the “I don’t think this is a good idea but let me think of a way to let you down gently” face. It came out every time Forrest brought up the sleepover thing.

Honestly, Forrest was a little tired. They were dating three months now, they texted each other almost every single day, they spent time together regularly, they had three or four dates each week, and they ended having sex after ALL of their dates. It was frankly a little ridiculous that they always had to leave after sex to go to their own houses, even when they were bone deep tired and they had tangled in each other in warmth.

So he interrupted whatever Alex was trying to say, and turned on his most charming smile, even though his voice was a little shaky, because hope mixed with fear for rejection was always scary as fuck.

“I make a killer pancake, if I do say so myself. I’d hate for you to miss out on that.”

Alex blinked. Searched his face for a minute. Looked down. And when he looked up again, the let-down face was gone, and he said, softly but determined, “Well, if you put it that way, I’d hate for me to miss out on that too.”

——————————

Dinner was great. The ‘chill’ part was mind blowing as usual, though they didn’t do much of the netflix part, because, and Forrest could not stress this enough, the chill part was REALLY good and they kinda had a hard time to keep their hands to themselves even after the “chilling”. So they just made out for God know how long, lazily and contently, between laughs and little convos, until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

That was, until Forrest was startled awake by some loud knocking. Next thing he knew, Alex was already out of bed and headed to his front door.

“Wait, what? Who?” In his defense, he was not fully awake.

Alex threw him an apologizing smile over his shoulder, and gave him a name he least want to hear.

“It’s probably Guerin, and it’s probably nothing. Go back to sleep.” With that, he was gone.

Like hell he was going back to sleep after THAT.

Sitting up in Alex’s bed, Forrest realized Guerin never spoke while knocking on the door, and Alex was so sure it was him before he even got out of bed. Which did not just suggest their complex relationship, but also indicated it was not a one time occurrence.

Suddenly, Forrest thought of the many times Alex rejected his request to spend the night together and wondered if that was the real reason behind it.

It was insecure and unhealthy as fuck, he knew. And he also knew Alex was never this type of man. But the fact Alex left him in the middle of the night (clock said 2 am, Jesus), and didn’t even hesitate to come to Guerin, was enough to make his blood boil.

So he decided, then and there, fuck it, I’m gonna be petty because I sure as hell feel petty.

They were on Alex’s couch in his living room, sitting respectfully far enough. Guerin’s face was buried in his hands, and Alex was saying something, quiet and soft.

Forrest went out, barefoot, bare chest, came directly in front of Alex, dropped a kiss on his forehead, and said in a sleepy voice:

“What’s wrong, honey? Why aren’t you in bed?”

Only then he pretended to notice Guerin, and acted innocently surprised.

“Alien Guy! What are you doing here, at this hour?”

Through all his antics, both Alex and Guerin seemed frozen on spot. Good. Dramatic effect accomplished.

Then Alex turned to him, gave him his “I know what you are doing but I don’t approve” captain glance, which was unfairly hot, at the same time Guerin blurted out,

“Wait, he is sleeping here now?!” He seemed WAY more upset about this than whatever had been bothering him before he came.

Alex turned his glance to Guerin, added a warning “Michael”, and Guerin deflated like a punctured ballon. He curled in around himself, defeated, and threw some puppy eyes towards Alex. And Alex visibly softened.

They looked in each other’s eyes, seemingly having a silent conversation, and Forrest suddenly felt cold without his shirt and shoes.

He was prepared to be told again that he should go back to bed when Alex spoke, steel in his voice.

“Forrest is my boyfriend, we’ve been dating for three months now. It’s natural that we spend the night together at this point, don’t you think?”

Guerin looked like he was punched in his gut.

Alex stood up, went next to Forrest, and continued.

“You know you can come to me anytime you need me, Michael. And I’m willing to do whatever I can to help you. You’re my family, that’s never gonna change. But your issues with Max, I can’t help you with. It’s something you need to talk to him. Hell, you both should see a therapist together at this point. But you’re never gonna have answers and solutions by coming to me and crying on my shoulders.”

“So what, I can’t talk to my family about my problems, just because they can’t solve it?” Guerin stood up too, anger and hurt all over his face.

“You can, just not after midnight, when my boyfriend is here. So right now, you need to go.”

Guerin looked down, “You don’t have to say the B word again, I heard it first time.”

He turned around and left, without looking at Forrest even once.

After he slammed the door shut, Alex took several deep breaths, eyes teary, and asked in a small voice.

“I know we need to talk about this”, he leaned in to Forrest, head rest on his shoulder, “but can we talk in the morning? I’m exhausted and just wanna sleep now.”

So they slept.

——————————

Next morning, Forrest was making pancakes and working out some plausible excuses as why he behaved like a goddamn high schooler and preparing for the hurtful but inevitable “look I’m sorry but I still love Michael” speech, when Alex appeared in the kitchen, freshly showered and looking like all of Forrest’s wet dreams rolled into one. It’s so unfair, the high schooler in Forrest whined.

What Alex said though, took him totally by surprise.

“I kinda liked it, you know.”

“...My pancakes? You’ve not had them yet.” He said, knowing perfectly that was not Alex was talking about.

Alex smiled, shyly. “No, I mean, when you came out and claimed your stake on me.”

Forrest blushed. He’d NEVER blushed. “You mean when I made a fool of myself being petty and immature like fuck?”

“Come to think of it, it WAS indeed very irrational and somewhat a dick move, so not adult-like”, Alex teased, but his eyes were warm and fond, “But I liked the fact that you would become this emotion-driven for me. And also the fact you’re willing to fight dirty for me, for us.”

Forrest felt so giddy he could combust. “Be careful there, Manes. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you are enabling my bad behavior.”

Alex laughed. “Oh God no. For future reference, I’d prefer we solve our insecurities and problems by communicating, not through some childish possessive bullshit”, he paused, considered for a minute, and said in a quieter voice, “but I get it. I didn’t exactly give you a chance to talk about Guerin and our history, and I didn’t handle the situation very well when he showed up. I should have talked to you before I went to him, I’m sorry.”

Forrest didn’t want to push, he really didn’t. But when it came to Alex, he was seriously lacking impulse control, so he went and asked, “Why didn’t you then?”

Alex seemed to be lost for a moment. But then he began to talk, slowly but surely.

“Michael and I, we had this instant connection and we have loved each other for a long time. But we also shared painful history and a ton of issues. We decided, over and over again, that we didn’t work, but we were always drawn back together like we were being pulled by some invisible strings.”

He inhaled, exhaled. And continued.

“When I sang that song, I didn’t know he was gonna be there. But when he showed up, I thought, well, maybe it was a sign, that I should fight for him one last time, so I looked into his eyes, and bared my heart and soul for him.”

“Then he walked out in the middle of the song.”

He seemed so heartbroken Forrest couldn’t help but went to him and held his hand.

Alex held on tight.

“I decided then and there, I wanna move on, like, truly move on. Free myself and see if I can find someone who makes me happy and for me to make him happy. And I’m so glad that I found you.”

He looked into Forrest eyes then, raw and open.

“I don’t think I’ll ever able to fully stop loving him, it’s like in my blood. He knows this, and he’s under the impression that he is currently not good enough for me, and he’s improving himself, so that when our timing is right, he’d come back and we’ll live happily ever after.”

Forrest felt his heart sank. He wasn’t sure he was able to pick it up again.

“But heart doesn’t work that way. I can’t just order it to wait and not to fall for anyone else. When I’m with someone, I’m all in. I don’t treat them like they’re just a stepping stone for somebody else, that’s not how I’m built. And when I’m all in, I see all of you. And it’s really easy to fall for you, because you are the best thing that happened to me in a very long time.”

Forrest opened his mouth, but no word would come. He felt his emotions were on a roller coaster today, he didn’t even know where to begin to untangle his messy feelings.

Alex took his silence as hesitation and started to pull away.

“I get it if you don’t want to throw yourself in my mess. But I really want to try to work it out. Because you’re worth fighting for. WE are worth fighting for.”

At that, Forrest had no choice but to wipe his tears, hold him and kiss him.

They would fight together.

[gothpanda]

A Little Bit of Attitude Ch.29: Goodbye

WORD COUNT: 6.0K

A/N: I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! 

WARNINGS: angst at its lowest

TAGS: @madamsixx​ @emariehorror​

Read On Ao3

Previous/Next

May 20th, 1986

Sitting under an outdoor umbrella table in a small corner coffee shop that opened 6 months ago, Sammi stared out into the distance with wrinkles of irritability deepening on her face. She slowly twirled a spoon in her coffee that clanked against the white ceramic mug every so often that would annoy anyone. Her mind wandered as it always did, thinking of the list of tasks needed to be done and other lists of tasks wanting to do. It felt like a never-ending wave of chores Sammi had started, begging why she did this to herself.

"Sammi," Sammi continued to stare out into the distance, pursing her lips out and squinting into nothing. "Sammi!" Emma shouted, shaking Sammi's hand gently to break her out of the daze she was in. Sammi snapped her head to Emma, blinking rapidly, looking like a deer in the headlights. Emma chuckled at Sammi, surprised how fast Sammi was able to daydream when she was alone. "I got you a chocolate chip muffin. They didn't have the coffee cake one that you like," Emma said, catching a tip of whip cream from her iced latte and taking a joyful lick. Sammi shook her head, sipping her coffee that had been spun around multiple times.

"Where's S?" Sammi asked, picking a piece of her muffin.

"Right here, I ran into a guy I had a class with. I forgot how cute he was," Sabrina said, tucking her skirt underneath her legs as she sat down beside Sammi. Sabrina could see the quiet expression on Sammi's cheeks, noticing her pecking at her sweetbread. Sabrina and Emma exchanged a knowing look at one another as they carried out their usual manners. Emma sipping on her iced beverage while Sabrina tore a piece of her croissant. "So what's got you daydreaming?" Emma asked Sammi, Sabrina raising a quizzical eyebrow to her left.

Sammi scrunched her brows together, glancing between the two friends. "I wasn't daydreaming, I was thinking. There's a difference,"

"Okay then what's got you thinking so silently, you forgot where you were for a second? It's amazing how fast you're able to do that," Sabrina teased, smirking at Sammi, drinking cappuccino.  

"What I need to do before next week. If I need to finish anything right before I leave. If there's anything I want to do before leaving. If I need to stop thinking at high speed for once in my life," Sammi said, pulling out a pack of Camels from her silver purse and bringing one to her lips. She lit the cigarette, blowing out the smoke away from her friends, Emma stealing one for herself. Sabrina shifted away from any smoke that hit her face. Emma purposely let out a puff of smoke to Sabrina, giggling at the sour expression.

"You wouldn't need to be thinking so much if you just stayed down here," Emma said.

"Why did you have to accept a school all the way in San Francisco? How else am I going to get second-hand smoker lungs?" Sabrina asked with a small pout.

"You can blame Mr. Harrison's connections in convincing me to go to San Fran. Maybe do it on your last day at Elektra next week," Sammi teased. Sammi would be lying to everyone if she said she wasn't grateful for how the opportunity fell in her lap. Mr. Harrison was happy to help Samantha on her journey to a career path, knowing her endless potential.

"She may have also accepted because she needs a fresh new life far away from everyone in this place. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself," Emma said, pouting out in exaggeration.  

"You're not wrong. It's good to have a fresh start every once in a while especially for school. You guys are lucky I'm staying in California. I could've gone all the way to Texas if I was that desperate. Or New York City," Sammi said, blowing out another drag of her cigarette.

"Thank god you're so considerate of others, but you still could've stayed here," Sabrina said with a smile that made Sammi's mood shift a bit. The girls stayed silent for a moment, basking in the quality time together before Sammi's final day in Los Angeles. In truth, Emma and Sabrina were happy Sammi was doing something for herself and only herself. Sammi didn't ask anyone if she should go back to school or where she should go. But of course, as all friends are, they would miss knowing Sammi was in the same city as them, and they could pop in. Their Friday night dinners will only consist of Emma and Sabrina from now on, Sammi only joining when she comes for a visit. They were beginning to grow up into full adults. It was scary but needed for everyone.

"If I'm being honest, I don't want to leave but I know it's the right thing. Now more than ever since my shit show," Sammi said, shrugging her shoulders in sadness.

"Hey, may I ask you something, Sam?" Emma asked, biting her lip with the look of worry that made Sammi worry.

"Sure?"

"Has 'you know who' tried calling you after the wedding?" Emma asked with hesitation. Sammi sighed as she shook her head, flicking the small dub to the street, then taking a sip of her coffee. "Is it weird if I say I feel bad for both of you? Just not seeing you two together right now is weird. It feels like my parents got divorced and I should know," Emma said, finishing her cigarette.

"No, it's not. I feel bad for myself so join the petty party. Sabrina? Want to join this party of two and make it three?" Sammi asked, resting her head against the palm of her hand. Sabrina slung an arm around Sammi, bringing her in for a side hug.

"You feel bad because we liked Nikki even if he was an asshole to others, he was nice with Sammi. Now he's doing something that's harming himself which affects people who care. It's different then most relationship dramas," Sabrina analyzed, taking a sip of her cappuccino.

"I wish it was because he's an asshole and move on with my life, but it's more complicated than that," pouted Sammi.

"Of course it is, it's Nikki. It's never easy with those guys," Emma tried to poke fun of, shrugging her shoulders. Sabrina shot Emma a glare like a mother, Emma mouthing a sorry to her.

"Am I dumb for still caring and wanting to work things out?" Sammi asked, looking down at her cup with a low head.

Emma cocked her head to one side, sympathy beginning to show more for her friend. "You're not dumb because you have a heart, Sam. It's natural to still care about an ex at times. I still wonder about Athena randomly at times and it's been months,"

"You'd still worry about Athena if she used hard drugs and got aggressive because of them?" Sammi asked with a hint of sarcasm. Emma shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what to say to make it positive. She didn't think this whole situation could be favorable.

"I'd like to think so. I'm not sure about working things out, but I'd like to know if she's being healthy. It's drugs, Sammi. Anyone with a heart would still care about the person. I'm surprised Nikki's able to hide it from people so well,"

"He's not. You just said it yourself. He's not around people with hearts that care, at least not sober people. He's a musician who created a successful band and can make money off of it. It's different," Sabrina explained, turning to see if Sammi was becoming sadder for this conversation. Sammi lifted her head up, squaring her shoulders straight, and smiled with confidence.

"It's whatever now. I'm happy. I really am. I'm getting to live in a new city. I've been here my whole life. Maybe I'll like San Francisco and want to live there permanently after I graduate. Two years is enough time to fall in love with a city," Sammi said in an attempt to lift the spirits of the table. Her friends didn't believe it but tried to join in.

"The selfish part of me says please don't but I know it's good. Hell, I came down here to leave Sacramento. It's only fair you do the same thing, Sammi," Sabrina said with a sad smile.

"So are you gonna have a going away party or disappear randomly one day?" Emma asked.

"No. No party. I don't want a going away party at all where people might start crying. But I do want to tell everyone goodbye alone. That way everyone gets a nice goodbye," said Sammi.

"Even Nikki?" asked Emma, raising an eyebrow. Sammi sighed out and took a sip of her coffee, thinking if she should tell Nikki. Sammi wasn't hiding from anyone about her move, telling almost everyone in their own times, except Nikki. Respectfully, she should speak Nikki about her plans and not cause a bigger mess than she'll ditch. Then again, Sammi wanted to act selfish and petty, focus on herself instead of a man.

"Yes, even Nikki. I still have some little things at his place that I should probably get," Sammi muttered.

"If you need us to go with you, we could. We'll wait outside while you say your goodbyes," Sabrina offered.

"Thanks but I need to be a big girl and do things on my own. Especially if I'm going to be alone in a new city," Sammi said, sighing out into the warm, clear sky.

May 29th, 1986

Sammi had a list of people she wanted to personally say goodbye to with their own time. The first person Sammi had on her list was Vince, to her own surprise thinking Vince would be the last person on the planet to give farewells. Sammi walked up to the white modern beach mansion, the place she called a second home for a few months. The doorbell rang out, Sammi shifting her weight from one foot to another, looking away into the neighborhood as she waited. It was early in the morning; Sammi hoped Vince decided to be an early bird this summer season. When the grand finally opened, Sammi smiled right away, Vince holding Skylar right on his hip. Vince smiled back at Sammi, puzzled for a moment before remembering what day it was.

"Hey, Vin. Hi, Skylar," Sammi said, waving her two fingers to the small child, winning a happy smile from Skylar. Vince stepped aside to let Sammi in with a low head, Skylar moving around in his arms to be set free. Once she was on the ground, Skylar waddled her best to Sammi, hugging her leg. Skylar smiled up at Sammi, two little teeth showing. "Aww she still likes me," Sammi said, picking Skylar up and resting her on her hip. Vince grew a smile at the two girls, folding his arms across his chest. Sammi bounced Skylar on her hip, earning giggles from the young baby, Vince admiring more at the two.

"I couldn't imagine someone not liking you,' Vince said, slowly stepping towards Sammi. "It's the end of the month. I didn't think it would come so fast," Vince fixed a piece of Skylar's hair from her face as she played with the shiny rings Sammi wore. Vince sucked the front of his teeth, stuffing his hands in the back of his jean pockets. "Please don't tell me you came all the way out here to say goodbye,"

Sammi smiled with sadness, shrugging her shoulders. "It was going to happen at some point, Vince. Thought I wasn't gonna say goodbye to you?"

"No. I was kind of hoping you had changed your mind and didn't want to leave this beautiful city," Vince said, walking the girls to the living room. As the three sat down on the white sofa, Sammi let Skylar crawl off to the floor to find a toy to play with. "Maybe you rejected San Francisco and went to school here. Where your family is. And all your friends. Where people who care about you are,"

Sammi sighed out, pushing locks of hair away from her face, looking down at Skylar. "Vince, I need this. I want to get out of here and see other places that aren't from a tour bus. Besides I promised myself I'd go back after a year of working, I need to follow that,"

Vince sighed out, slumping further into the sofa. "I'm going to miss you, you know. It's going to be weird not having you around,"

"I'm not dying, Vin!" Sammi smiled at Vince.

"I know you're not dying! But let's face it I doubt you'll come visit when you have free time. You'll probably only come for the holidays then leave again. San Francisco is pretty far away if you haven't figured it out," Vince teased, poking Sammi on the shoulder. Sammi gazed down at her hands, realization beginning to creep up on her.

"You're right. I probably won't have enough free time to just drop everything and come down," Sammi uttered, fidgeting with her nails unkempt.

"Doesn't mean that we can't though," Vince said with a small smile.

Sammi turned her head to see the smile, raising an eyebrow that matched Vince's expression. "You'd come up to visit me?"

"Yeah just to make sure you're not dead," Vince said, chuckling as Sammi shoved his shoulder playfully.

"I'm going to miss you too. Promise you'll do a good job taking care of this little one?" Sammi asked, picking Skylar to sit her between the two of them. Skylar laid down between the two, slowly closing her eyes for her nap. Vince rubbed Skylar's cheek with the back of his hand, smiling down at his daughter. Vince then gave a similar smile to Sammi.

"I promise. Promise you'll try to visit on your own?"

"I promise," Sammi said, holding out her pinky.

Instead, Vince stood up in front of Sammi with arms open wide, hoping she'd accept the hug. Sammi stood up with warm eyes and a smile and wrapped her arms around Vince's waist, feeling him hold her in a warm embrace. Vince kisses the crown on Sammi's head, reminding himself to respect the girl's boundaries. "I'm proud of you, Sam. And I'm sorry for everything," Vince mumbled into Sammi's hair. Sammi shut her eyes tight, staying in the embrace for what felt like forever. A feeling of tightness beginning to form in the pit of her stomach. Sammi wasn't enjoying this feeling by any means.

*

Mick was surprised to hear his doorbell ring out in his home, placing his guitar flat down on the sofa. Mick rarely had guests pop in on him, liking his home's secluded area to relax before the chaos of music erupted again. When he opened the door, his firm, confused, an irritating glare that Mick always had melted away as a smiling Sammi stood at his steps. Mick raised an eyebrow, opening the door wider. "What's up, little girl? Here for a visit?" Mick asked.

"More like a goodbye. I'm leaving tomorrow remember?" Sammi said, stepping into the cozy home. Mick groaned out, closing the door shut and led Sammi to the kitchen. Sammi looked around the complete house, getting after herself for not visiting Mick here more often. She felt bad that she came for goodbye and not a regular time to hang out. Sammi promised she'd spend time with Mick when she came down to visit.  

"Oh I remember but I was betting you only said it because you were mad at Nikki. I didn't think you'd actually leave," said Mick, grabbing two bottles of cokes from the fridge, sliding one to Sammi on the kitchen island.

"Wow thanks, Mick. Am I really that dramatic to you?" Sammi asked sarcastically, sipping her drink. "It's not like I've wanted to avoid everyone before by disappearing," Sammi smiled at Mick, earning a chuckle from the older man.

"Are you doing your rounds with everybody or just me?" asked Mick.

"Everyone. I thought it would be swifter in one go to say bye and not cause too much of a scene," Sammi uttered, tapping her finger on the glass bottle. "I'm not really in the mood for tears,"

"So are you still mad at Nikki? Is that why you're leaving?," Mick asked.

"No, I'm not leaving because of him. It's entirely because of school and wanting new experiences," Sammi said, glaring at Mick.

"Are you still mad at him though?"

"I guess I am. He hasn't bothered calling me after Santa Barbra, and I haven't bothered calling him. I doubt he cares much about anyone but himself at this point," Sammi said sadly, Mick giving her a sympathetic smile. Mick could read Sammi's face clear as day, Nikki's topic being a sore spot for the young woman.

"Don't worry. I'll look after him while you're gone, it's the least I can do for the both of you," said Mick. Mick felt inclined to worry about Nikki or the others generally, due to being the oldest and least intoxicated from the bunch. With Sammi added to the mix, Mick felt even more inclined to keep an eye on Nikki and Tommy as these were her two boys. "I promise,"

"Thanks, Mick. Can you also promise me one other thing?" Mick nodded. "Please take care of your back. Take your medication and don't mix it with alcohol as much. And please go to your doctor's appointments and schedule them. Ask Doc to get you an assistant maybe to help,"

Mick lips parted in shock, scrunching his eyebrows together. He cleared his throat, tapping his fingers against the island gravel. Mick thought he was either hiding it exceptionally well or nobody who was around cared enough to ask. Clearly, he was proven wrong. "You could tell?"

Sammi nodded. "I don't know what you have exactly, but I know something's up and you need to take care of yourself. It's important to keep up with your health especially when you go out and perform,"

"It's Ankylosing spondylitis with a bit of forming scoliosis. I got diagnosed when I was around your age," Mick said dryly, having a small bit of happiness to know someone could see. "I thought I was doing a good job at acting normal,"

"Mick, I was always able to see something was up. I just didn't know how to bring it up with you," Sammi said.

"Well after you come back, I'll come to you when I need new meds or a new doctor," Mick said, chuckling a small bit.

Sammi smiled at Mick, reaching over to place her hand over his. "I'd be happy to help with that," Sammi said, gently squeezing Mick's hand. Mick didn't want to say it out loud, but he was going to miss the little girl as much as everyone else. It hurt him thinking Sammi wanted to get away from everything, be pushed over the edge by Nikki. Mick wanted to shake some sense into Nikki, hoping the bass player would come back to the light but knew it would never work. Mick only hoped things didn't blow up too much after this.

"I know I don't do a whole lot of talking, but I am going to miss you, little girl," Mick said, looking away from Sammi and sipping his soda.

"I'll miss you too, Mick," Sammi said, smiling sadly at Mick. The two didn't hug, knowing it was a rarity, and Sammi did not like the feeling of hugs today. Instead, they stayed in silence as they finished their sodas in the kitchen, Mick wanting to give Sammi a quiet space to think.

*

"Please, don't leave me! I beg you!" Tommy yelled in the air, embracing Sammi in a tight hug. Sammi was smothered in Tommy's chest, not hugging him back as the siblings stood in the newlyweds home's living room. As soon as Sammi rang the doorbell, Tommy ran out of the house to hug his sister, dragging Sammi in for Heather to see her. Tommy didn't want to let go of his baby sister, not wanting her to leave ever. She tried to pull away from her brother, only to be hugged tighter. Heather smiled at the two as she sat on the expensive sofa, finding Tommy's desperation of Sammi's departure amusing. Sammi finally had enough strength to push Tommy off her, gasping for air and dropping herself down next to Heather. Tommy pouted down at Sammi, falling right between the two girls.

"Babe, be happy for your sister. You should be proud Sammi's going back to school for pharmacy. It's a big deal," Heather told Tommy, running her fingers through his hair. Tommy still continued to pout, being another who wished to be selfish for a happy occasion. Heather had to be the positive one from the two, reminding of the accompaniment. Sammi poked Tommy's puffy cheeks, giggling when he reacted annoyed, hiding his face in Heather's neck. Heather rolled her eyes, patting Tommy on the head to soothe him.

"Yeah, Tommy, be proud of me. Remember I'm the normal sibling. I need to go to college and get a regular job unlike some people," Sammi said, smiling at Tommy.

"Sammi needs to spread her wings and fly. Experience new places!" Heather said to Tommy.

"I'll pay for your apartment and school if you stay here," Tommy said, lifting his head up. His hair covered his eyes, making Heather and Sammi laugh at Tommy.

"We were going to do that anyway, babe," Heather said, fluttering her lashes to her husband and smiling mischievously at her sister in law. Slowly squaring her shoulder with scrunched eyebrows, Sammi shifted her eyes at the couple in confusion. She couldn't register what Heather just said as if it was a regular thing. Tommy slowly began smiling at his sister, Heather, unable to contain her excitement any longer.

"What? What do you mean you're going to pay for my stuff? I have everything covered," Sammi asked with wide eyes. Tommy sat up straight, grabbing Heather's hand like Mr. and Mrs. Bass when they had to announce something to their children. It was any other circumstance, Sammi would laugh along with the two but not today.

"Heather and I were talking about you going back to school and how you're going to be stressed with studying. San Francisco is way more expensive than L.A is so we wanted to help out," Tommy said.

"It's the least we can do. You shouldn't be stressed about money and only think about your studies. It's going to be hard doing all of that alone and in a new city," Heather said.

"Yeah but I have school covered. I have scholarships and I was going to get a job on campus," said Sammi. "I saved up a lot this past year for my apartment up there,"

"We know that, Sammi. We know you've always been independent with everything since you moved out of Mama and Dad's house. But you deserve a little help for once after always being there for everyone. Consider this as a thank you," said Tommy.

"Plus if we're being honest, we don't have to think about how much stuff costs, so we're fine paying for your expenses. You wouldn't have to worry about paying us back a penny," Heather reassured Tommy, nodding along.

"How exactly would this work?" Sammi asked, still hesitant about the offer.

"Basically like a monthly allowance to cover rent, bills, and your own spending money. And for school, it's by semester so you can just call us with the bill! It's that simple!" Tommy said, clapping his hands together as if this was a typical case in their lives. Sammi scratched the side of her head, contemplating if this was a good idea, looking at Heather and Tommy's convincing faces. The couple didn't feel entitled to do something nice for Sammi; they wanted to do this from their hearts. Tommy wasn't happy about Sammi leaving, feeling this was her new method of running away. In the eyes of the Bass family, this news came out of nowhere, only having three weeks to say goodbye. Heather tried to sway Tommy's worries away with no luck, the stubborn man believing in his theory. "Just say yes, Sam. It's a perfect plan," Tommy begged, turning on his sweet puppy dog eyes.

Sammi sighed out as they twisted her arm to agree. "Alright I accept your guys offered to help. I really appreciate it," Sammi said, smiling at the couple. Tommy and Heather jumped out of their spots to engulf Sammi in another hug, feeling as if this is the most she's ever been hugged in one day. Sammi let out a yell in protest, shimming away from Heather and Tommy but with no luck.

"You're going to be great up there," Heather said to Sammi, pulling away slightly. Sammi only smiled, beginning to feel the knot in her stomach again. It was only 3 in the afternoon.

*

To Sammi's luck, Athena's apartment wasn't far from Tommy's home, making the drive short west. Sammi gripped tightly on the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white as she tried to calm her breathing. "You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine," Sammi whispered to herself, parking in front of a brand new apartment building. Walking up the front door steps, Sammi pressed the button that read Athena, waiting for her sister to answer the call.

"Hello?" Athena answered.

"It's Sammi. Let me in," Sammi shouted into the speaker. Athena didn't bother to give a response, buzzing Sammi into the building. Sammi walked up to flights of stairs, dragging her feet up at each step. It had been a short time since Sammi spoke to Athena, distracting herself with the excuse of packing. Athena paid no attention to this, knowing that she would go to her if Sammi needed to talk. Sammi gently knocked on the red wooden door, looking down at her feet as she could hear Athena's footsteps. When Athena opened her door, she smiled at Sammi with a reminder to be nice to her baby sister.

"Hey!" Athena said, stepping aside to let Sammi pass. Sammi played with her hands as she walked straight to the sofa, dropping her purse beside her. "Do you want anything to drink? Food?" Athena offered, walking over to the small kitchenette that connected to the living room. Sammi shook her head, eyes following Athena sit down on the accent sofa chair near her. She tucked her legs in, chin resting against her palm, ready to hear anything Sammi has to say. "Is everything going well? You're finished packing?" Athena asked.

Sammi nodded. "I had the last of my boxes shipped this morning. All I have in my apartment is a suitcase and a mattress on the floor. I can't believe I'm leaving,"

"Really? I thought it would be the other way around. Everyone not believing you until you were already gone, thinking you were just lying,"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?!" Sammi snapped, frowning at Athena. "You, Mick, Vince. Why do people think I was bluffing about leaving?"

Athena pressed her lips firmly together, knowing now was not the time for a fight. "It's not that we think you were bluffing. It's just no one wants you to leave so we're in a bit of denial. I'm proud of you for going back to school. I want you to know that,"

Sammi sighed out, leaning back against the sofa in lousy posture, folding her arms against her chest. "Thanks. I didn't think my leaving would make everyone so sad. I didn't think I was that special,"

Athena raised an eyebrow at Sammi. "You don't think you're so special everyone would be bored or sad without you? I know we fight a lot, but I would rather have you around all the time than none at all,"

Sammi smiled at Athena, emotions beginning to erupt, but Sammi knew how to withhold them. "I'm sorry for being a bitch so many times. I shouldn't have been so spitful when you said your opinion,"

"I'm the one who should apologize. I should've never been so harsh on you with Nikki. I should've listened instead of being mean, and I'm sorry you two broke up after the wedding," Athena said, giving Sammi a sympathetic smile.

"It's whatever now. He hasn't bothered with me and I'm not going to bother with him anymore," Sammi said, chipping away nail polish. Athena frowned at Sammi's sad tone, having a bit of doubt to Sammi's statement.

"Careful when you see Mama and Dad. They might ask about Nikki,"

"If they do I'll just lie. I wouldn't want them to worry about him or anything that they don't need to," said Sammi.

"You really did care about him, didn't you? You're still protecting him even now," Athena said.

"Yeah, I guess I did," Sammi mumbled. "It's whatever now. Maybe I'll find a regular guy in San Francisco who's a saint and never even looked at a drug,"

"Don't push yourself to meet someone. Take your time and focus on yourself. You're young and can have years to find someone else," Athena advised, studying Sammi faces to the best of her abilities. Athena was able to see the hesitation on Sammi's face, the small eleven wrinkles between her brows almost becoming permanent from thinking. The older sister didn't know if she should object Sammi from leaving but knew it was the right thing to do. As much as Athena herself hated the idea, she knew Sammi needed a breath of fresh air even if she was afraid of it. Athena didn't want to push to fright Sammi, only wishing to stand by her when needed. She felt guilty for her tantrums, realizing how selfish they all were. Athena walked over to Sammi's side of the sofa, wrapping her arms in a hug around the younger girls' shoulders. Sammi didn't hug back, only leaning her head on Athena's shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you," Sammi muttered under her breath.

"I'm going to miss you too, Sam," Athena whispered. The two staying in silence for a moment longer, Sammi forcing down any emotions.

*

Pulling up into the driveway of Mr. and Mrs. Bass tugged the heartstrings, Sammi turning off the ignition and shutting her eyes to let out a few calming breaths. She could see the light bleed out from the living room window, Mr. Bass's car parked right next to Sammi's impala. It was with heavy feet that made Sammi walk to the front door, trying to find her original house key. As Sammi pushed open the door, she could hear music playing to her right, seeing her parents dancing all around the living room. She quietly closed the door behind her, smiling happily at the couple as they were in their own little world, not noticing Sammi. It wasn't until Mr. Bass dipped Mrs. Bass that he noticed Sammi standing in the wide doorway, a broad smile growing on his lips. He twirled Mrs. Bass one last time, making her stop right to see Sammi.

"Oh, Lovebug! We've been waiting for you! Your food is ready!" Mrs. Bass exclaimed out, clapping her hands together. Mrs. Bass gave Sammi a warm quick hug before cascading her way down the hall. Mr. Bass smiled at Samm, giving her a kiss on the cheek before following Mrs. Bass to the dining table. Sammi didn't move at first. She stood frozen in the doorframe, folding her arms in front of her chest. Sammi walked at a slow pace, seeing a plate of spaghetti and meatballs waiting for her. Mr. and Mrs. Bass set down forks and glasses, pouring in freshly squeezed lemonade for their daughter. Sammi mustered up a smile as she sat down, noticing how happy her parents seemed to be for her last day. The three ate in relative silence, Sammi switching gazes at her parents every so often. "Are you excited for the drive tomorrow, lovebug?" Mrs. Bass asked, breaking the silence as she wiped her mouth from any food.

"Yeah, hopefully, I don't have to deal with so much traffic in the morning," Sammi said, placing a napkin on a half-empty plate. "I'll be taking off at 8,"

"The morning drives are always the best kind of drives," Mr. Bass said, taking a sip of his lemonade. "The sun is just beginning to rise. Picking up fast food breakfast with a nice hot coffee. It's the best," Mr. Bass smiled at himself at the memories of his youth.

"Actually dad, driving in the middle of the night is way better. It's so peaceful. I loved it when I was up late on the bus with the guys, and I'd look out the window to see the moon. It was always the best," Sammi said, pressing her lips together, leaving a bittersweet memory in her mind. "But not this time! It'll be fun getting to San Francisco on my own and getting to unpack,"

"Remember you have to call us once you get to your apartment so we know you're safe," Mrs. Bass said, grabbing the dirty dishes to leave them in the sink.

"Yes, Mama. I'll remember," Sammi said with a smile. "Do you guys have any last-minute parenting advice before I leave tomorrow?" Sammi asked, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. Mr. and Mrs. Bass looked at each other for a moment, pursing their lips as they thought of something.

"Don't get a ticket when you're parking the car somewhere. And if you, pay it right away or it can pile up," Mr. Bass said, pointing a strong finger at Sammi.

"I think Sammi meant words of wisdom for leaving," Mrs. Bass said, rolling her eyes playfully at her husband. "Lovebug, I know the feeling of moving away from your home. It's going to be scary and you'll question things almost every day, but this is something great for you. I want you to always remember that," Mrs. Bass said to Sammi, holding their hands together gingerly.

"And don't worry about being selfish. If you want to leave, you should leave and find a better way for yourself. The world is big enough to explore," Mr. Bass added to Mrs. Bass's advice, Sammi smiling both at her parents.

"Thanks, mama and dad. I really appreciate it," Sammi said, swallowing away more of the emotions that have been building up.

"We love you," Mrs. Bass said, kissing Sammi on the cheek.

"And don't forget it," Mr. Bass added, kissing Sammi on the crown of her head. "Do you want to watch some tv before you leave? It's still pretty early by the looks of my watch," Mr. Bass asked Sammi, glancing down at the brand new watch Tommy gifted on his wrist. Sammi only nodded to her father, seeing Mrs. Bass began to load the dishwasher as she slowly rose from her seat. Sammi followed her father down the hallway's short distance, Mr. Bass flipping channels on his recliner. She laid on the sofa, relaxing, enjoying the last few moments of this consistent bonding with her parents. Sammi bit on the nail of her thumb for a majority of the time shared, glancing at the clock on the fire mantel before it was time to go. After driving for a few miles in utter silence, Sammi finally let down the tears she withheld from the day. She then remembered one last person she wanted to say goodbye to, making her cry even more. Sammi parked the car off the side of the dark road, clenching onto the steering wheel as she hurled over, letting out a weeping cry. Sammi gasped for air as she continued to weep, hot tears crawling down her face.

"I'm sorry, Nikki," Sammi whispered to herself, breathing in heavily as she squared her shoulders in her seat. Sammi wiped away the stains on her cheeks, turning her car back on as she drove out into the night.